Kristina Furey

"And I will try to fix you" Coldplay

 

Music is the needle, that with precision, can pierce through “the wrinkle in time”.   With the right tune and words, one can pinch the fabric of time while sliding the listener, like a needle through the fabric to the past or the future, allowing the listener to experience once again, moments past or even emotions of a future self, the present self has not ever even experienced…

Wednesdays.  I would come home from school and my father had the stereo hooked up to play upstairs, downstairs and outside on the deck.  He would be working on that house that we lived in and that music was as wonderful a greeting as our dog, running to the door shaking her tail, doing her happy dance that I was home.  I loved it all!!!  One day, on comes this song by Mary Hopkins, "Those Were The Days".  Here is a link to the song on YouTube:     I felt nostalgia.  I didn't even know what it was except that there was a strange pang in my heart and my stomach and I just wanted to hug my Dad!  Over and over again as a child and young person, I have felt things that I had never experienced, through music.  I once heard someone say it's the language of the Soul.  The soul knows and recognizes it even when the mind doesn't or we can't find words for it.

My father loved music.  I loved my father.  I was the youngest born in my family.  I was at the bottom of the pecking order.  When the dominoes fell, I saw it in slow motion, eventually they would all fall on me.  When you’re the youngest, it serves you well to be observant.  This is even more true when the dominoes fall.  Throw in a pre-diabetic at the top of that pecking order and now those dominoes will fall very haphazardly, if you don’t know to look for a low blood sugar correlation. To a sensitive child like I was, survival seemed reliant on knowing just when that first domino would fall.  To a co-dependent child the survival of the family seemed reliant upon stoping the dominoes from falling altogether.  The mystery was not solved in time but I did think outside of the box.  What did my father love and how could I discover the stitch in time, in the form of a gentle persuasion?  What defied limitations in a society or a household where one could not speak truth or convince someone through logic?  Where there is dysfunction or confusion in the thought process the best tool I have ever found for communication is the language of the soul.  

When I was a child, my father nicknamed me Florence, short for Florence Nightingale.  I always wanted to fix what was broken.  Broken things make me sad.  My father wanted me to be a nurse.  He wanted me to marry a doctor.  He told me this many times.  I wanted to be a veterinarian/farmer’s wife.  I did not write because I wanted to.  I wrote because I had to.  I had to communicate and I had to do it well enough to convince people to stop breaking things, animals and people but as you may imagine, they did not listen.  THEY YELLED AT ME.  INTIMIDATED ME. They spoke over me.  They twisted my words and my actions.  So I wrote it and I left it for them to read or I sang it or I just wrote it for myself.  I shared it with others who had the same difficulty.  They shared with me their personal struggles and I wrote for them.   I loved to sing.  My father loved music.  It just seemed natural to try to communicate to him this way and yet he was never supportive of me pursuing music.  Being a singer or musician was not a job to him.  It was a way of life that broke people.  

COLDPLAY “Fix You” 

 

Calling all dreamers

 

I imagine what it would sound like if I could put my ear down on the earth and listen to its heart beat, its breathe, its voice its request of me?  

I imagine if I laid down on the ground and listened to our planet and it could speak, it would say…

“The world had a dream
with a need for some creation.
So it created you
a manifestation
of the dream that it dreamed.  
Will you meet your destination?
With the dreams that you dream?  
The seed is there inside you.  
It’s fertilized by everything
in need of your attention.  
The world has created for you a destiny
will you meet your destination?
It’s a collective dream.  
Will you meet your destination?  
Calling all dreamers!  
Calling all dreamers!
Calling all dreamers!
To dream the dream!”

They say make a demand on a muscle and it expands to fill the demand.  What if we are the muscle?  I encourage you to find a quiet place and listen.  Listen to the one listening.  See if you can discover what your connection to life is and how you can meet the destination, life has appointed you.  It doesn’t have to be a grand thing.  It need only be something that supports life.  Maybe, yours is the life in need of support.  If that’s the case, you are in good company.  I have found myself in that position recently.  The past year was a doozy.  Losing my Mom to cancer was a devastation, I struggled to find my way through.  I previously thought losing my brother and then my father to cancer was too much.  Now, between the loss of my mother and having to trade in a president that I felt akin to, for one that seems in direct conflict with everything I believe in, regarding how we should treat people and how we as a nation should conduct ourselves, I have been emotionally exhausted, heart broken, anxious and I have had a hard time some mornings, just dragging myself out of bed.  So sometimes we have to concentrate on supporting ourselves.  A great way for me to support myself is to dream.  To believe better things are on the horizon.  To believe, I could be that better thing on the horizon for someone else, when I get back up and running.  So, I refuse to stop dreaming!  My dreams are actually more focused now as I have a better idea of what the world is asking of me.  I do believe that within each of us, lies the solution to a problem our world has had or is facing.  If we would only stop distracting ourselves with things designed to cater to the ego and start empowering each other to be who and what we are, we would amaze ourselves!  We would deliver the destiny, life dreamed up, when it conceived us.  

 

Stream of consciousness

 

It's 3:34 a.m..  I've been up for about an hour.  Like SOS coming through the pipes of the house that houses a ham radio operating station.  SOS find a way SOS - find a way SOS - find a way.  Maybe it's not ham radio maybe it's my pulse is it my pulse SOS - find a way SOS - find a way and it's slowly slowly slowing down.  I think I can make out the message.  “Find peace.  You've already found dysfunction, chaos and death.   Your creative enough to not settle for this dischord”.  Am I?  Are we? I wonder…

 

Was I dreaming?  Michael Landon, Bill Bixby,  what did they mean to say to me before the dots, dashes and voices came through the Television where their voices would have been?  

 

Bill Cosby.  Can we through out the bath water without the baby?  I struggle with this.  How do we move forward?  If we don't do it carefully we are doomed to find ourselves here again and again but is there a way to surgically remove what doesn't work for us as a society without discarding life and knowledge.  Something created the circumstances that gave him the idea to do what he did.  Somehow he found his way down the path and no one along that path was there to shut it down or help him shut it down.  I keep thinking dark actions come from dark places with the trail maybe always leading back to the original place where the original dark action took place.  A place where the offender was the offended.   

 

I hope we are careful to look upon where we are as a society with eyes that seek solutions.  I don't believe in witch hunts.  We always seem to find what we are looking for even in places it doesn't exist.  Perhaps I look for solutions in places it doesn't exist but if that is the case I do it because personally I need to believe that there's more to life than the ill intentions of others.  I have a hard enough time dealing with this feeling that I’m on the wrong planet at times as I look for life and intelligence.   Yet I can hear the world itself speaking so clearly through me as it interrupts my dreams with it's call for help.   Forgive me world as I choose now to try my best to go back to sleep.  

 

(Forgive me reader for my stream of consciousness and lack of punctuation and what not.)

 

Let's put on our thinking caps...

 

It was May 19, 2015 when I posted my blog titled, "Thinking Our Way to a Better Day".  An idea I had about turning malls into residential communities.  You can read it here if you like.  I really believe in our creative sides and our ability to use our creativity to play to our desires.  As a teenager, just about the time I found myself disenchanted with many things, I found the idea of a place like  Lake Anne in Reston, VA to be very romantic.  That there could be such an integration of all community members, their needs and the beauty of surrounding nature, gave me a very, all is right in the world feel.  Reston, was the brain child of Robert E. Simon.  Here's a link to information on him, including his list of goals for Reston's creation.  I love his goal number 3.  "That the importance and dignity of each individual be the focal point for all planning, and take precedence for large-scale concepts."  This past October I just happened to catch a group on the Kojo Nnamdi Show discussing the fate of a mall I used to go to as a child and asking, "Do local malls still matter?"  As I listened, RIGHT THERE, they actually brought up the same idea I had, RESIDENTIAL!  :-) 

I often wonder if other people realize that everybody really just wants to be okay?  To know their needs are being considered, weighed, and accounted for in the plans?  I am thankful that Robert E. Simon took time to do so.  I'm thankful for Theodor Seuss Geisel's (Dr. Seuss') story of "Yertle The Turtle".  I'm thankful that the idea of consideration was introduced to me at a young age.  I feel like whenever I am struggling with anything emotionally hard, I can always take a moment to be considerate of someone else and it takes the pressure of the struggling off of me, allowing me to open my mind to bigger things that can and should be accomplished.  

Here's some food for thought.  What would you suggest?  I like the idea that these store owners need to think of themselves along the same line as entertainment.  I like the line, "If you’re going to have the guts or the vision to open a retail store, then you should sell something that works within the environment,”--John Asadoorian   I wonder sometimes if it shouldn't be required that all public schooled children learn to play chess and do other things that keep them looking down the path and considering all the different directions they could move in.  

One last idea.  When my kids were little and toys were the number one preferred gifts.  We lived in a town home and I remember thinking it would be nice if we could take toys they weren't using currently and drop them off somewhere like a library.  Other children could check them out and enjoy them and my kids could check them out should they become interested in the toys again.  This could be done with tools we don't often use or buy for one particular project not to be used again. 

Anyway, give it some thought and see where it may take you.  Bring it up at your next family dinner, lunch with co-workers or next time you take public transportation.  Let's see what people come up with next...

 

"Who watches over you"-They Might Be Giants

 

Happy New Year!  

I had my kids here last week and did not want to pull myself away to blog.  If I had blogged, I was going to blog about how I think Oh Chong Song was the most interesting person of 2017.  To see him defect from North Korea, thru the demilitarized zone, was to me, to see Patrick Henry’s words put into action, “Give me liberty or give me death!”  “For my own part, I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery”.  I would back this action with the song, “Big Country” by the band of the same name.  And those soldiers, the ones who risked their own lives to pull him to freedom, MY GOD, I sat in tears, eyes glued to the screen praying, “Keep them safe! Oh God, keep them safe.  Save him!  Let him make it!!!”  “Because it’s happened doesn’t mean you’ve been discarded.  Pull up your head off of the floor and come up screaming.  Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted.  I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered but you can’t stay here with every single hope you had shattered!  I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime.  In a big country, dreams stay with you, like a lovers voice, fires the mountainside, STAY ALIVE!!!”  

I pray for his full recovery, his freedom and his peace.  I hope we all pay close attention to what happens when government is not by the people and for the people.  I hope each us of understands what the Forefather’s of our country set out to do when they organized our government.  I pray and beg you that we do not allow any man to put it asunder.    We here in the United States, have a heritage we need to protect, “To stand and protect liberty and allow it to enlighten the world”.

I leave you with They Might Be Giants, “Birdhouse In Your Soul”.

 

A silly Christmas song

 

I had a Blog already planned and penned yesterday and I meant to post it today but I've been so busy getting things ready for Christmas.  If you've been keeping up with my blog then you know it's been a really tough year for both Dan and I.  We had a lot of trips up north as a result.  However, this past weekend our trip up north was more for fun as Dan got to hang with his buddies and my family gathered at my best friend's Christmas party that she throws every year.  Now back home  I've been rushing around preparing to host Christmas Eve here at my house and ready things for house guests.  Well I've been running around today, I've had the AXS TV channel playing in the background and I got to listen to an interview with Crystal Gayle and and Dan Rather.  I grew up singing Crystal Gayle music and at one point I tried to grow my hair as long as I could, inspired by her.  AXS also had a  Dolly Parton special  on.  I admire her in so many ways, especially her attitude towards life.  Next, they had a special on Shania Twain, when I was making lunch.  I didn't get to see all of it but the three shows were very Soul filling.  Silly things happen when my soul gets filled.  It always makes me feel so full of myself.  Which is probably where I got all chirpy and found this song in my heart this evening.  It led me to feeling all  playful which lead to rolling underneath the Christmas tree and singing the song while creating this silly video...   Hope I can link it here.   Sometimes these sticky things work for me and sometimes they don't.  If it doesn't work maybe I'll just post my other blog that I wrote yesterday tomorrow.  Haha yesterday tomorrow did any of that make sense?  Maybe I'll post it anyway... Maybe...   Regardless I wish you a very merry Christmas or very joyful holiday season whichever is most appropriate for you. ❤️   

 

Early Christmas gift Dan made for me

 

Today I just want to share an early Christmas gift I got.  There is a preface to this gift...  I was listening to 1A on NPR and they were discussing plastic and how it's everywhere now and it's really becoming a problem.  Here's a link:  

I've been kind of paranoid about my health having lost my brother, my father, and my mother to cancer.  I kind of bounce back between that and feeling extremely rebellious.  I'm sure there's anger and dis-satisfaction in these feelings.  So, I realize I've got this plastic cutting board.  I look at it and I run my hand over it and I feel all the scratches from my knives over the top of it and realize it's missing a lot of really tiny pieces, of plastic where the cuts and scratches are...  So I decide I'm going to buy a wood one. I discussed the whole thing with Dan and he tells me he will make me one.  Which instantly calms my mind over the whole cutting board thing because it's so real in my head now that we are hurting our health and lives are shortened for the unnatural direction we as people keep going in.  

And this is what he made for me...   

 

A modern day holiday carol

 

This is a short story.  My own modern twist, on Oliver Twist's, Authors, other story.  ;-)

And this story begins with YOU…  

It was a chilly evening, evidence that a cold front was on it’s way and a sure sign that winter was coming.  You briefly consider the events in the news, the women coming out in droves, the Tax Reform Bill… and then your mind turns to the latest tweets, click bates and briefly, you consider if you should post something but stop, just short of doing so, as the evening news pulls you in.  Your mind keeps pushing back that thought about that family, you know the one with the sick child as you consider what might happen if things like CHIP go away    Then you remember, you wanted to check out some new tech products online as the desire to have the latest greatest, begins to fill you with a rush of dopamine that begins to erase all worries and cares…  

You have no recollection of the time that has passed, you only realize that you somehow lost it there on your computer.  Then suddenly, your computer seems to come to life, typing out  words before you eyes.  It appears to be some sort of warning.  It says you will be visited by various entities tonight.  You look at the beverage that has accompanied you on your computer surfing, expedition and decide it might be best you go to bed now.

The sound of a child and the feeling of an earthquake yank you from your sleep as you wake to find a child jumping on your bed.  You realize, it is a playmate from your youth that appears to not to have aged since childhood.   They jump off the bed and begin running around your room reminding you of the games you played as a child with them and some of the adventures you went on together.  They say, “Do you remember what that was like?”  They remind you of TV shows and movies and about that crush you had and then they ask you, “Do you remember what you used to say you would be when you were an adult?”  They remind you of times you spent with your group of friends.  Then they get this sad look on their face as they recall how you went your separate ways and their voice trails off as you find yourself abruptly awoken by yet another presence in your bedroom.   You rub your eyes, confused, you could have sworn that dream you just had was real.  You hear noises and see something lurking in the dark.  You stare into the darkness and call out, “Who’s there?”   The presence moves closer and you find yourself, face to face, with yourself.  Your image being reflected in a mirror that has made it’s way to your bedside.  There is just you and the mirror in the room, yet you also hear a voice you do not recognize as your own, in your head.  You hear words you once read in Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol”  “Come in and know me better”.    Ever so quietly in the distance you think you hear something that sounds like U2, it’s “One”.  You look around and with your vision now a little better in the dark, you try to locate where the music is coming from.  Could it be coming from inside the mirror you wonder?  You hear words in your head again, “I have had more than 18 hundred brothers.”  Again, you somehow recall those were words in that Dicken’s book… “Why would I know that?” you wonder…

The mirror starts to behave like a TV showing you various scenes of places and people around the world and the voice tells you “This is happening right now.”  You see family and friends going about their lives.  You see strangers.  Some are just going about their lives and some you realize, are really struggling with things.  Then you see a child spying on their parents and hear what the child is hearing.  The parents are discussing bills and how they will afford Christmas gifts for their children.  They are discussing what might happen if the Children’s Health Insurance Program is not funded.  They can barely afford the health insurance costs they have and feel like they are dangling over bankruptcy as it is…  “Those politicians have sold us down the river.”  “That’s why business and government should be kept separated, like church and state.”  “I have to work overtime tomorrow.”  “I thought you were taking Tim to his appointment? I guess Martha and Belinda will have to walk home from school, while I take him.”  “Belinda’s had such a terrible cough.  Seems like it’s been going on a month now…  She seems healthy otherwise, right?”  “Kids get colds, she’ll be okay.  Make sure they remember to take their hats and mittens.”  “I was really counting on a bonus this Christmas but I heard today that won’t be happening.”  Well you have your job and that’s something to be thankful for…”  “So I was thinking, in lieu of personal gifts this year, why don’t we just get something like a jigsaw puzzle and a new deck of cards…  you know, family gifts…  and then I can make some play dough to put in the kids stockings…  We can spend the day together playing and putting the puzzle together…  it will be a good opportunity to spend some time together as a family.  I told you I have to work News Years right?”  The child spying from behind the door says a little prayer but you can’t hear them.  You hear more words from that Dicken’s novel.  “If these shadows remain unaltered by the future the child will die.”  And so will many more.  

The child in the mirror is replaced by You, reflecting back at you and to each side of you, there are two emaciated children without faces.  Where their faces would be there are words.  One one child bares the word “Ignorance” and the other child the word “want”.   The mirror now gets closer and closer to you, until your breath begins to fog the mirror, blurring the images.  A ghostly finger seems to be writing in the fog, first a “D” then an “O” another “O” followed by the letter “M”.  “Will you erase it?” The voice asks.  Only as you try, the mirror begins to pull back away from you.  You scramble to reach it but it continues to pull back and pull back and pull back…  The voice says,  “You are the present but the present only takes place in the moment.  You must act in the moment or lose the moment and seal it’s fate.”  The voice seems to be coming from somewhere up above as you feel yourself slipping and falling and falling and falling.  You wake up with a jolt, as if you just caught yourself from falling.  

You stare into the quiet darkness as you catch your breath.  There is no one there.  No one but you.  You lay in bed considering the strange dreams and occurrences of the night as you try to ease your way back to sleep.  Eventually, you do fall back to sleep.

You wake up cold and hungry.  You look around to find, you are not in your home.  You are on a street somewhere.  It doesn’t appear to be the United States.  The people around you are emaciated and their clothing is very worn looking.  But you feel like you have been here before.  It’s like you recognize the street you are on and yet you don’t.  As you look down the street, you see what appears to be zombies, slowly, ambling their way towards you.  You see people looking as confused as to their whereabouts, as you feel.  You begin to head towards one of them but before you get to them a quick moving, shadowy figure, ascends upon them and you watch in horror as the that person seems to be drained of their life, right before your eyes.  They fall to the ground for a moment, recover but they are now surrounded by the zombies who have come to collect them.  

You run, not knowing where you’re going.  Quick around that corner!  Ah, here.  There’s no one here.  You can stay here for now.

A piece of paper blows over and lands on your foot.  You pick it up and read.  It’s a flyer that says, “DON’T BE EXPENDABLE!!  You are a natural resource!  When you are gone, you are gone.  Don’t waste your precious time and energy.  Don’t sacrifice your children.  Guard them, their health and yours.  Don’t be fooled.  Money can not buy these things.”  You look around trying to make sense of it all when you once again spot the zombies and a shadowy figure that is quickly moving your way.  You  run!  You trip and you find yourself in a hole that is about 6 feet deep but you’ve landed on a cushion of sorts.  No, you realize, you’ve landed in a coffin and it shuts.  You hear voices above you.  “Such the profit we’ve made of this one.”  “Sent them through the ringer we did.”  “I wonder… whatever will we do when we run out of them?”  “I suppose we will become cannibals.”  “Last one standing wins.”  “Wins?  Wins what?”

As you struggle to let out your last breath and you see the mirror again, with the word “Doom” now illuminated by the condensation of your breath.  You’re not sure but you think you hear the song, “Man In The Mirror” softly playing in the distance as you quickly run your sleeve over the mirror clearing from it, the word “Doom”.  You awake again to hear the song, as a radio blasts out through a car window and the sun, rises.  

 

 

To be thankful is to be kind

 

So, here we are… tis the season…  and it all starts with this day of thanks.  When did you last say thank you?  Who was it to? What were you thanking them for? Was it sarcasm? Or the real deal?


My mom taught me to be appreciative as a child.  She came into my room to rouse me each morning, singing “Good morning Merry Sunshine.”  She was such a bright energy and she shared it,  I think most of the time with everybody she came into contact with. She was loved by anyone who really knew her and most people wanted to know her and be in her inner circle.  God, I miss her so much!!!  But I am so thankful, so very appreciative that I had her in my life for as long as I did.  She wasn't perfect but she had such an appreciation for people and life and for any good thing that came her way.  It was out of that appreciation for what she had, that she gave to others.  I share this with you because I concern over our growing feelings of entitlement as a country, our lack of appreciation for what we have and our lack of appreciation for those around us, which shows up in our consideration or lack there of for others. If there's one thing we should have, its appreciation for life, ours and that of others.


I've been asked by others why I am no longer on social media.  It's the way it makes me feel, sad.  Perhaps one day I'll give it another go...  But it was like it all escalated last year through the elections and kept up.  So many posts seemed so disgruntled and I was feeling disgruntled.  Why would I knowingly choose to feel that way?  I don't want to be swallowed up by angst.  It distorts my view of the world, my experiences, my interactions with people and it makes me lose appreciation for all of it.  It makes me distrustful.  It's really pretty jading.  And perhaps at the end of the day, it's all in my head and nobody else's but I know better than to chose to participate in a situation that makes me feel bad or sad.  Feeling that way, living that way, is not for me!  My mom's dying was such a huge loss for me.  It has shaken me to my core and made me realize, I need to realign myself with appreciation for what I have and stop thinking about what I don't have or who has what I wish I had or how I can use what I have to make someone else feel that what they have is not enough so I can then feel as if what I have is enough or find a way to leverage their not feeling they have enough into getting whatever it is that I feel so impoverished to try to manipulate the situation into giving me.  (
As I believe I do each Thanksgiving I want to post the link to this song, by Geggy Tah "Whoever You Are" and I want to remind you to be kind and courteous so we can all get safely to our loved ones this holiday season and beyond.
Also, I want to post this link to explain further what I have tried to say in this blog.  I give you The Pretenders, "Don't Get Me Wrong"-"I might be great tomorrow but hopeless yesterday" (<--yep!)
 

Rapunzel

 

I did not choose her as a friend.  She was part of the “bargain” I took on when I chose to have someone else in my life.   My guess is she felt the same about me, as she seemed very prickly and snappish about all things that were me, that did not line up with her.  I often found myself bending and sometimes, ever so gently, trying to persuade her to open her mind to other possibilities.  Respectfully.  Gently.  Yet, she struck me as someone always ready to pounce into a debate or fight.  Like she was looking for it.  I often wondered if she enjoyed arguing and fighting.  One day, while very annoyed and reviewing various arguments and uncomfortable out bursts of hers, that I was the recipient of, I began wondering if she actually believed her side of the arguments she would so passionately excite or was she just baiting me any chance she got?  Well, maybe I did contribute to her anger…

One particular day, while our children played together in another room and we hung out in the kitchen, with the news playing on a small television and she prepped her dinner, she began replying angrily at the news.  Some female had gone into a bar, gotten inebriated and was raped there in the bar.  This was probably about two years post the whole Tail Hook Scandal I had paid careful attention to, along with the Clarence Thomas, Anita Hill scandal/trial, as I came to realize that we females have to be really careful, and even THAT, sadly is not always enough.  “Can you believe this!” was the beginning of a rant she began to yell in her kitchen that started with her rage over the news story and then continued as she ranted hate against all males, putting them all in one basket.  I realized I was walking into a minefield…  Editing myself was not a strong point for me at the time but I felt a need to protect those males in the world that really were just decent people.  Now maybe I said what I said next because it was apparent to me, her husband had let her down in many ways and I felt she needed to know there was better out there.  But more likely because her daughter was playing with my son in the other room and her daughter’s life quickly flashed before my eyes.  With total confidence, I can say, my own lack of self editing was the weakest link here as I said, out loud and loud is a good description, “While we have to teach our boys to respect the girls in this world, we also have to empower our daughters and teach them self respect and self protection. This never should have happened and never would have happened had she not walked into that bar, alone, drank away her defenses and fallen prey to someone who never got that “respect females” message, along with guidelines of what that respect consisted of.”  I wasn’t trying to victim blame, which is what she heard…  I was trying to problem solve.  She of course did not take it that way and many other people probably would not…

BACK STORY:  I was a stay at home mom because I took responsibility for my own sons seriously, to the point of OCD.  I felt it was my job to educate them on how to be a member of society and respect others.   I knew going in, that meant respecting males in the way I treated them and spoke about them in front of my boys as much as modeling my respect for other females.  My own mother never berated one sex or the other and neither did my father.  I was exposed to the disrespect a bit growing up but not from my own parents.  HOWEVER, my father had his opinions and they showed up in things like my curfew time and inquisitions in regards to my where abouts and with whom.  Also, he did not want me in any way, shape or form, involved in entertainment.  Comments he made and actions he took to herd me away made me resent this.  I think my dad was repulsed by the lifestyle of Janis Joplin and her impression on him unfortunately led him to impressing on me the life of an entertainer was no life for his daughter.  He also took the Red Forman (Dad in “That 70’s Show”) hard ass approach to child rearing.  He never called me a “dumb ass” but for sure called me on “What were you thinking?”  “Were you thinking?”  “Go to your room and think about this!”  Which is kind of the same as Red’s “Don’t be a dumb ass!”  THINK!  Consider that you are living in a factual world and act accordingly.  …I am thankful for the most part of his approach.  But not the part where he did he not trust to me to go my own way, in the direction of my heart, my mind and my perceived talent?”  He didn’t because he knew something went terribly wrong in Janis Joplin’s life and things like Tail Hook happen and because he knew that these things happen to females, I was taught that my life would be more limited than the lives my brother’s had been born into.  I rebelled as best I could but I was a thinker and you can only go so far into rebellion if your eyes are fixed on the end result of your actions.  I stopped short of it being counter productive.   …well, most of the time…

Because I was told/taught/punished (<— whatever you want to label it) to go to my room and think, I knew that “Freedom of Speech” does not mean you are protected when you piss someone off by expressing yourself.  I personally have learned that lesson over and over again.  So it may not be all we perceive it to be…  I also knew when I turned 21, I had the right to go many places, including bars and go there by myself, along with the right to get inebriated but that did not mean I would be protected while there or in an inebriated state.  I mean hopefully so but I’m really not assured of my own safety if I go anywhere, inebriated or not, and at times that knowledge is a limit on my life.  I sometimes evaluate the situation and choose to let being a female of small build, a reason to forgo doing things I have a right to.  I, allow being a female, to be a limit on my life and that SUCKS!!!    

BACK TO MY ORIGINAL STORY:  Anyway, none of my knowing and thinking stopped me from using my “freedom of speech” and expressing myself to the subject of the above story and boy did I step in it, when I explained to her that we as females need to be aware of ourselves and the consequences of our actions.  I was not blaming the female in the news story.  She did NOT DESERVE what happened to her!!!  I was just saying, that when we females and males alike, go into a questionable place or dull our own senses and ability to think clearly, we can become victims of ill intent.  My heart hurt for the female in the news story.  It was disheartening that I could not explain to the person who was all up in my face, that while we as females have rights, they will never stand up for us, the way we can, when we take into account the facts of the situation and act on them.  

As a woman I feel so thankful to be a citizen of a country, whose laws try to insure that I am treated as an equal but I do want to point out that we still have a ways to go.  I wish I lived in a country where all people were honestly treated as equals.  As I see it, every little inequality in our country not only depletes the citizens and makes their lives smaller but does the same to the country as a whole.  

I leave you with a scribble I once wrote.  Perhaps the basis of of a song I’ve yet to write:
“Rapunzel was beautiful all the town’s folk would say but her heart was like ice as hard as cold clay.  Rapunzel’s mother locked her away.  Held her for ransom of child support pay.  Filled her with bitterness in regards to men and taught Rapunzel to not let them in.  “Rapunzel, Rapunzel”  You’d hear the boys say, “Let down your hair.  Come out and play.  Rapunzel, Rapunzel, with beauty so rare, I’m only asking that you let down your hair.”  <— I guess my initial thought was how many hurt women, raise daughters to carry the flags of their mother’s wounds and never get to experience males for themselves.  They just get the preconceived notions they’re brainwashed into believing but like most things, lessons taught, come from some where…