Kristina Furey

"Girl! Girl! Girl!"--Receptionist in "Dead to Me"

 

Did you happen to see the NETFLIX TV Show “Dead to Me”? I kept getting this question. I wanted to see it but hadn't gotten to it and my women friends are all like, “YOU HAVE TO SEE IT”!!!  I’m like, “OKAY THEN”!!!  You know what it's like? HBO’s “Barry".  It will have you on the edge of your seat one moment and then laughing the next.  Only it's like the more feminine version and it has gotten women talking about serious things, like “Should I get bangs?  I love Linda Cardellini’s bangs and I’m thinking, maybe I should get some like her’s…”  Wait no, that’s not the serious part.  It’s the other thing about her character.   Can I say it?  GO AWAY IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET!  SPOILER ALERT!  Are they gone?  i’ll whisper this next part, just in case they haven’t made it out of the room yet. the miscarriages.  According to the Mayo Clinic 10-20 percent of known pregnancies, end up miscarriages but most women don’t know this and tend to feel alone in their grief and trauma.  More women of color tend to have them (or have more, I'm not exactly sure buy you can try to figure it out here https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3664339/  Miscarriage is actually a frowned upon term as it may denote that something was amiss in the carrier of the baby or the way the pregnancy was handled.  Which is why I ask you to get the word out 10-20% of clinically identified pregnancies are lost before the completion of 20 weeks 

Women need to talk about these things!  In this interview with Christina Applegate she tells of how “Married With Children” was not allowed to have a show where Christina’s and Katey Segal’s characters had synchronized periods.  When watching "Dead to Me" you can see that we have come a long way since those days.  Today, we can watch an intelligent, suspenseful TV show like "Dead to Me," that also aces the Bechdel-Wallace test!  So of course we’re telling our girlfriends, “GIRL, GIRL, GIRL, you must see this”! 

I would also like to direct your attention to 1A’s show on “What Does it Mean to Lose a Pregnancy” and “Your Questions Answered About Abortion”  And no, it is not a debate.  It is purely informative.  If you have wondered about the question of personhood and how that may affect things like child support, tax deductions, if a woman can be put in jail if she is pregnant and her child has not been charged with any crime, if this will affect people going the route of in vitro fertilization, if someone can be charged with murder for going out of state for an abortion or babies who are brain dead but still have a heart beat or ectopic pregnancies, then this is something you should hear.  

It is traumatic enough for a woman to lose her child prior to or at birth.  I hope we never wake up in country that would torture a woman further by accusing her of aborting.   1 in 4 women by age 45 has miscarried.  Take a moment to let that sink in.  1 in 4.  Hug your daughters, your sisters, your mother, your girlfriends and be sure to tell them you love them.  If you pray, pray for them too! 

 

Maybe we can work together

 

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.  I have some lyrics and a tune.  Basically, I have stone soup and unfortunately a finger stuck in the pointing position.  It’s like someone gave my finger Viagra and it won’t stop pointing.  Luckily, it’s not its neighboring finger, AKA, the bird.  Still, I realize I need a little balance here.  A little less pointing and a little more willingness to trust and play well with others.  I would like to try and co-write a better song.  

Okay, so this song, I’m working on…  imagine a song like SLY FOX “Let’s Go All The Way” being chased by the dogs in JANE’S ADDICTION “Been Caught Stealing” only coming from somewhere over the WALL OF VOODO by way of “Mexican Radio”.   I know you’re probably thinking, “She’s got those kids from Port Isabel Detention Center on her mind” and yeah I do but also those tunes and they somehow merge into a new tune and next thing I know, I’m getting flashes of news show "20/20" in my head.  Remember, investigative reporting, how it gave you a better view of the world and your place in it.  You somehow had confidence that if the fox was guarding the hen house, you were gonna find out and justice would follow.  Ah, the beautiful nostalgia of “20/20”, while looking towards 2020.  By the way, “20, 20” is the name of the song.  I imagine a song, like “Feed the World” where artists come together to make something that reminds our fellow Americans of what we can accomplish when we work together.  I’m not looking to support a candidate.  I believe in democracy.  To me, it is more important that everyone is represented at the polls.  I think it would be really cool to be a part of something like that and where any money made, would be invested in helping people get to the polls or into mental health subsidies. 

Here's the lyrics I've settled on so far:

20 ,20

Tell me how we got here?

Why's my vision unclear?

Anger rising everywhere.

Is this 20, 20?

 

Are we looking for a war?

Do you know what you're in it for?

Your answer shouldn't be ignored.

See you in 20, 20

 

Looking through 20, 20 tell me what you see?

Oh say, can you see, far enough to make out the American dream?

 

Everyone's feeling dizzy here.

Hopefully there vision clears.

Finally see no enemy.

There's you and there's me, in 20, 20.

 

Can you read the writing on the wall?

Try the part where it gets small.

Got your prescription here.

Get clear in 20, 20.   

Here's are links to my original recordings.  1, 2 and 3.  I have since cut what did not support what I determined to be the intent of the song and tried to pretty it up.  

 

 

 

"Imagine"--John Lennon

 

Have you ever wondered...  What if when you died you were reincarnated?  Maybe you would become a plant, an insect, coral or another human, of another sex, in another country, or maybe an animal, like a cow, chicken, goat etc…   Would you change anything about the way you live your life now, if you somehow learned for sure this would happen?   Yet you would have no idea what you may come back as, only that it was certain, that it would happen to you.  Would it change the way you treat other living creatures, plants, the ocean?  Would it change anything?  Would you be more concerned about human rights across the globe or more actively involved in that area?  Would you choose to make a difference in this life for the possible life that you and your loved ones would come back to live in, in the future?  You know, perhaps you would be born in some war-torn country or some area where gangs have taken over to rule.  Maybe your current life could be what makes a better situation for whatever life you or your current loved ones would be reincarnated into living.  Would you, with a belief in reincarnation, live your life exactly as you do now?  What changes do you think you would make, if any?  Do you think people might be more forward-thinking if this were the belief we held?  Do you think you might be more appreciative of the life you live or would it make the life you live less important?  

I’ve often considered I won the jackpot, just by being born in the US, you know, due to my being a female.  Still, there have been moments where it hasn’t seemed like such a prize but all the same I am very aware of how fortunate I have been.  I wonder what if a man knew for certain he would be reincarnated into a female in one of the countries where women have no voice and/or are treated like property, “How that might change him.”

These are thoughts I consider occasionally and more recently did a few weeks ago when I listened to the “Hidden Brain” podcast on “Where Does Religion Come From?  One Researcher points to ‘Cultural’ Evolution.”  https://www.npr.org/2019/05/06/720656274/where-does-religion-come-from-one-researcher-points-to-cultural-evolution

I “Imagine” many beautiful worlds in my head and occasionally, I think I catch sight of them, right here in what so many people refer to as “The real world.”  I find it strangely humorous, how when they use that term, “Real World” there is no pleasure in their voice.  I’m humored and melancholy all at the same time.  You see, I believe we are all responsible for this thing called “Real World” and I believe with a refinement of our own movements we can create a better scenario for all the living and lives to come.

 

“Life’s like an hourglass glued to the table”-Anna Nalick

 

“Men who hold high places must be the ones who start”-RUSH

SPOILER ALERT-DO NOT READ ON IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE END OF GAME OF THRONES.

 

 

 

Sooooo…..”Game of Thrones” ending?”  Did it end to your liking?  From what I hear, a lot of us took it personally and got our expectations all involved.  I know, I am mourning the end of it and it seems from things I’ve heard other people say, they are mourning the way it ended as well.  I was emotionally invested in Daenerys.  I liked seeing her rise past her original circumstances to become the “Breaker of Chains”.  I believed in her idea of “breaking the wheel”.  Oh, but I had a bad feeling when Vary questioned his child spy about Daenerys, in this last season’s, episode 5.   “She’s not eating” is that what the child said.  I wondered if they were trying to poison her and figured someone in Dany’s situation might be paranoid of the same thing.  My heart began to sink.  I found myself wondering how John would intervene and yes, I expected more of him than humanly possible.  <3  I expected more from Dany and slowly started to realize that her failure of everyone who bent the knee to her, as well as, those of us who opened our hearts to her character…  Well I realized, this was all by the design of the author.  We had fallen for her, put her on the pedal stool and allowed her to believe in her entitlement.  She in turn, believed the people she came to serve… well, what were her words, “They don’t get to choose.”  A good reminder to us all to be careful what we breathe life into.  A reminder too, of how our best intentions can be made murky or pernicious, when we allow emotions or a sense of entitlement to undermine them.  Sneaky author, using Dany to elicit emotions from us, only for the purpose of showing us how easy it is to “bend the knee” to someone, blind of their flaws or aware but refusing to believe what we know, we know. 

I’m no stranger to this.  A romantic, I see people as they could be, if they could only see themselves, whole.  Well, “whole” according to me.  ;-)  I’m also a realist. Yeah, I realize that may or may not make sense after what I just said but I do have a strong mental grasp on how real wins out over everything, every time.  Seems to me, it is wise to honor it.  For this, I respected the ending of the series and took it more as an example or warning.  It was not the ending this romantic would have preferred but a good reminder to be careful whom I serve.  I can identify with the author and screen writers as they may hear the disgruntled voices of series fans.  For me, the hardest part of being an artist/a writer, is to serve the audience something they didn’t know they wanted, something they need but maybe don’t realize.  It’s hard to serve anyone something that may be challenging to them.  It takes courage, like the courage of the characters that tried to appeal to Dany as they all but begged her to consider her decisions more before following through with them.   For me, Anna Nalick said it best, “And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd.”

This is a song I have written and re-written over and over again (for about 20years) as I realized I had once again failed myself by investing my trust in someone (different someones) that I later felt failed by.  That's life and experience I suppose...

WHAT I KNOW 

You took me, for exactly the fool I have been

But I played a part, I'm willing to admit

See, I trusted you

I believed everything that you said

Now I know they're lies

and this won't happen again

Cause what I know

I know that I was true

And what I know

Is the hell you put me through

And now I realize

that I never really knew

But now I know, I know, I don't know you

I don't need, the excuses you're about to make

because like yourself, I'm sure they are all fake

You can save your words, so seriously save your breath

Don't need to know why, I've already guessed

Cause what I know

I know that I was true

And what I know

Is the hell you put me through

And now I realize

that I never really knew

But now I know, I know, I don't know you


[I know enough to walk away 

I hope I learn from my mistakes

Sometimes, really all it takes, is to know yourself 

I let my boundaries down for you

It's to myself I should be true

Mistakes are really all it takes and experience... to know]

what I know

I know that I was true

And what I know

Is the hell you put me through

And now I realize

that I never really knew

But now I know, I know, I don't know you

 

It comes through and not of

 

I have been writing since I could.  My Mother used to tease me, saying I should have been a doctor, something about illegible handwriting.  It’s hard to make it legible when what you have to write is going so quickly through your head, you can’t keep up with it.  

I wake up in the middle of the night with epiphanies and this nagging thought in my head, "If I don’t write at that very moment, what is in my head, it will be lost."  I’ve challenged those thoughts and chosen to write them in the morning, on more than one occasion.  I have found that while I might remember (might) it is never as clear.  

After I sent my screenplay “The List” off and heard nothing back, my mother said to me, “Maybe, you wrote it for you and that’s enough.”  An interesting thing to consider for sure.  Still, I had no reason to write what I had already thought and seen in my head if it was only for me, I concluded.  I remember at one point in my life being extremely concerned something was haunting me.  Just as I was falling asleep I would hear voices telling me things, names and things.  I wondered if I should tell the people what I heard but figured they would think me crazy.  So unless I knew the person well enough and knew it wouldn’t freak them out, I kept it to myself.  Years later, after a terrible bout with my insomnia that landed me in the hospital, I learned this thing I was experiencing is called hypnogogia.  

Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night recently and scribbled this out: A good apology goes something like this.  “I’m sorry.  we deserve the best from each other but I was not at my best in that moment.  I deserve better from (myself/the circumstances we were in) and you deserve the best of me.  I realize, I hurt you and for that I am sorry.  I put my burdens/fears/whatever it was on you and it is not fair that you should carry that burden.  I hope you can see past this and find a way in your heart to forgive me.”  I try to make the past wounds up to myself, because I know I deserve better and others deserve the best of me.  I want to show up ready to give others the best of me, not hand my burdens off to them.  I think honest communication of this brings about awareness of my burdens, in the eyes of others and offers an opportunity to relieve the burdens in a healthier fashion, while opening the door to them to express how they are burdened, so we can cleverly come up with a solution to remove their burdens as well.  I have always known this and perhaps you have too, though it has taken me years to come up with a way to express it, while I suffered silently in shame in my pattern of reacting and then hurting again over my choice to react and the distance it took me from those I love.  I shamefully swallowed it down as I felt it consume me.  That is no way to live a life.  It’s damaging to life, mine and the ones I reacted too. <—That’s it, all I wrote.  Maybe I just wrote it for me or maybe it was for you.  Maybe for all of us…  I wasn’t sure if or how best to share this but decided it best, I be brave and face what might be my crazy, just in case, it might be the grace you waited for, from me, yourself, the divine or someone else.  It’s yours.  Take it or leave it.  It came through me, not of me.  And that’s what I settled on as far as my screen play too.  Maybe there is a collective consciousness, where all things come from and all things go and maybe it belongs to all of us and we are all responsible for what we put into it and maybe we all deserve a piece of what comes from it.

 

"Let hatred die of hunger"-iLe

 

"Let hatred die of hunger because nobody feeds it.  We are going together to break walls, barriers and wires.  Let hatred die of hunger because nobody feeds it.  We are going together to break walls, barriers and wires. Even if your guts ring, even after you repent, hate is not fed or given anything to drink."--"Odio" by iLe

I was witness this past week to one person telling another, some very concerning propaganda.  I immediately looked up the information they were spreading and informed the receiver that if it were true information, I would see it on my smart phone along side a reputable source but the receiver explained, "They have connections".   I was lost, not knowing how I should reply.  Time would reveal to them that what they were told was not true.  I didn't come to argue and didn't want to breath life into an argument with my words.  I bit my tongue.  Then they started down that slippery slope, with the question "Are you a Democrat or a Republican?"  I said, "Oh trust me you don't want to start this conversation.  You're not going to like my answer as I believe we should be taking care of all our people, our education and our health.  This comes from my experience of growing up with foster siblings and my own realization, people don't get to choose circumstances they are born into.  Life is life and it can be unfair but it is my belief people should be more fair to one another.  I am probably more of a socialist than anything."  Not that I believe my ideas should be pushed on my fellow Americans.  I believe in our need for a government that is by and for the people.  Majority rules.  Better we all feel represented by our government.  I believe that is more important than my socialist nature.  We will never get anywhere fighting with one another all along the way.   They met my answer with the same thing most people say to me, "Oh no, that's not what you are."  They explained their fears and concerns and "knew" I agreed because we were friends, loving and giving with each other.  I asked that we don't let our political differences interfere with what we know to be true about the other.  After they decompressed by airing their concerns and I met them with support for their concerns, while doing my best to stand on my beliefs, we both decided to agree to disagree.    

A few days later I heard Joshua Johnson interviewing iLe (Ileana Mercedes Cabra Joglar) and thought this is DEFINITELY worth sharing!  She is a singer with a gorgeous voice, who also has a lot to say that is worth serious consideration!!   Have you wondered what Puerto Rico is like since hurricane Maria?  It's interesting to see it through iLe's eyes.  The interview:  https://the1a.org/audio/#/shows/2019-05-09/puerto-rican-singer-songwriter-ile-on-the-sounds-of-protest/117649/@00:00

 

 

C'est La Vie

 

This week I am just receiving instead of transmitting.  My microphone appears to be on endless mute.  Perhaps it is broken...  Hope it can be fixed.  Now I have to use a hardwired mic.  (insert sad face emoticon here).  Don't know if this means I need a new microphone or just a new capsule.  (insert HUGE ? here).  C'est la vie....  Robbie Nevil  (insert dance moves here followed by happy face emoticon, followed by upside down happy face, followed by heart, followed by blushy smiley face, followed by girl on the floor wrapped in mic cord, who is just thankful to have hardwired mic hug at a time like this.)  

PS-can someone free me from this cord thingy ;-)  or I can just sing from here like Perry Como.  Yeah, that's an idea too...     

 

"The Unreliable Narrator"--Abby

 

Life, a sweet voice that whispers as if out of nowhere attempting to let its presence be known.  Silly mortals that we are believe we are the focus of life, till, if we are fortunate enough, we realize, Life, was the main character of “OUR STORY” all along.  Its attempts at awakening us to this can be a very abrupt awakening or a gentle pull at our heart strings but once you are awakened, you would be wise to not discount the very pure truths of life.  The truths of life can not be bent to one’s will but one can be bent to the will of life.  Life is the one character here, whose truth will prevail above all other characters.

I am a big believer of the idea that our lives are greatly impacted by the choices we make.  That this+that+that other thing=where we are, at just about any given point in time.  This adds up for me most of the time but there’s been enough times too, that it hasn’t and that’s when I realized other people’s choices play a part and so does “Life Itself”.   

I have found life can be very difficult towards people, in the role that it plays.  Does it have a conscience?  I’m undecided.  I do.  I try my best not to create difficult situations for others.  I try to keep in mind many people are juggling difficulties, whether due to their own choices, those of others, “Life Itself” or a combination of all.  I try to offer a smile, a solution, at the very least some compassion and love.  Where life is unreliable I try to offer balance.  

Life creates its own problems and its own solutions to those problems.  Which makes me wonder if perhaps it is a thinking being that is trying to figure something out.  Perhaps a Scientist at work…  I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at where I was in my life and realized life+challenges brought on by others+challenges brought on by life=me facing a problem+finding myself to be the solution+needing to learn and evolve into something I wasn’t before=a stronger advocate for life.  I find Life mind boggling, when I’m not feeling let down by it, at odds with it, drawn into its bidding or just fascinated in wonder.

 

Game of Thrones :-)

 

It’s back but with only 5 episodes to go and the humans still focused on who gets to sit on the Iron Throne, I have concerns that the White Walkers will be the last ones standing and the humans will be wiped out.  At this point, it seems logical, that would be the case.  As Jon Snow said, “There is only one war, the great war and it is here.”  BUT what do you do when people would rather stab you than listen to truth and logic?  Would you “bend the knee” to save people?  To save mankind?  Or would you stand proudly, come what may and fight for your honor?  Would you be too focused on your enemies and too attached to that label, “enemy,” that you would continue to look for ways to take them down?  Were you wondering this too?  Is “Game of Thrones” holding you in as tight a grip as it has me?  If so, I think you will really enjoy the discussion they had on 1A this past week:  https://the1a.org/audio/#/shows/2019-04-15/watch-the-thrones/117422/@00:00  I certainly did!!!  They discuss so many characters past and present, like Hodor and Margaery.  Did I cry?  ...yeah, a little bit. <3  I expect there will be more loss before it is over.  Having watched many past scenes through my fingers and at times, with my quilt over my head, I know how brutal this game can get and I concern that humanity may not win out. 


 

"Riding along in my automobile"-Chuck Berry

 

"You sing in the car!  I'm sure you do!  Whether you admit it or not." I say to you, while giving you the Larry David stare down, should you not admit what I believe to be true.     When I first got my driver's license, I would change the lyrics to Chuck Berry's "No Particular Place To Go,"  to ones that suited my particular destination, mood, or driving partner/co-lyric contributor.  It was fun to take turns and then see if I could riff along with whatever they had put out as their line.  It was always a rule they had to join me in mouth guitar as well.  The more ridiculous it felt the more we seemed to enjoy ourselves.  Side thought:  You ever notice how very similar that song is to "School Days"?  Maybe that's why I chose that particular song to sing out with versatile verses, suiting my drive, mood or shot gun, lyric contributor.

When it was just me, alone in my car, I often created my own tunes or created twisted tunes, a la Wierd Al Yankovic style.   Fun times!  As well as many original tunes/songs, lost along the way.  The lack of ability to record what I came up with normally the reason for a song DOA.  Until the trusty cell phone!  I did have a miniature recorder I used for some time and I would keep it on me, just in case, except those times I didn't or the tape got full and I couldn't find anymore tapes that fit it, or when the batteries died or when it stopped working completely..  There were times I would show up at my destination and make a run for the phone, payphone or private, call my home number and leave the song in message to myself, so I would have it when I got home. 

With my kids I created songs about the "Little old man in the little old van, driving as slow as a little tin can".  "Big Butt Bicyclist" an ode, to the bicycle rider that seemed intent on not letting me pass them on that swervy, curvy, one lane road...  My co-conspirators/lyricists, at that point, were my children and occasionally Dan.  We did twisted tunes too, like "Nasty Town" to the tune of the Spiderman cartoon.  "Nasty town, nasty town, nobody wants to hang around.  Eat the food, gives you gas.  Everybody drives by real fast.  Look out!  You're in the nasty town."  This, after one too many stops for food left us disgusted and out of options on where we may want to try eating next.  Hmm, me thinks another town.  But oh the camaraderie as we sang our way to the next town, in hopes of better fare.

This past week as I was driving up and down the coast, I found myself playing around with new ways to sing old songs I've written, and I started playing around with an older song I never quite settled.  I was AH mazing!  I was coming up with all sorts of great stuff and then I decided do a video blog, showcasing how impressively witty and inventive I am at this!  Yay ME!  So I pulled off onto an exit, which had me pulling off onto another exit.  Which had me confused about how I would get back onto the road I was originally on and then very thankful that I could depend upon the GPS on my phone.  Yeah, I did not think this through at all but finally I came to a stop at a very sketchy gas station, in the middle of nowhere and I readied my video and hit record!  ...This is one of those moments when the imagination was much better in it's interpretation of how it would play out than the reality.  It somehow looked better in my head.  I was killing it with the lyrics, prior to hitting that record button or I might have a distorted view of reality.  That is a possibility, I shall not rule out.   I thought about deleting it but there seemed to be something redeeming in it, that led me to this blog.