Kristina Furey

A continuation to "Deeper"

I apologize as I realize this blog is about as disjointed as the dream that inspired it yet I’m hoping it paints the picture as clearly as I believe my dream did.  

I woke up from a dream in the wee hours of the morning.  I tossed and turned in bed, feeling still deficient of a good nights rest and desiring to fall back to sleep but this daring thought persisted, "How crazy would it be if I shared the dream?"  I think, I believe things happen for a reason or at the very least, everything that happens is an opportunity of some sort to evolve but its not a given, it's a choice.  

I should maybe give you what I believe may be back story to my dream.  Yesterday, while cleaning around the house, I chose instead of listening to the radio, or running YouTube music videos, I would listen to one of my favorite radio programs. (Sometimes too, I'll just let the TV run and half listen to that but I didn't trust that I wouldn't end up on the couch being a potato and I really wanted to get things done.) I chose to indulge in the TED RADIO HOUR.   While I don't always make time for it, yesterday, I felt a strong need to.  I'll add I believe by immersing myself in other people's stories, much like immersing myself in music, I am inspired to create ways of increasing my ability to better understand my human companions in this world and maybe even feel their victories, challenges and lives in a way I otherwise could not.  There's a part of me that needs to feel connected without the exhaustion of commitment (which the older I get the more exhausted I make myself as I try to live up to an unattainable standard that has been set in my mind on what it means to support-I’ve heard it labeled co-dependency and I do my best not to let it take my health.  As a child I was taught, this was being a good Christian.  Which I’ve pondered and thought “Well, if you lay down your health and spend your life on others, that is in a way, Christ like but certainly choosing to be a sacrificial lamb is not healthy.”)  So I’ve found there's this cooperation between the immersing in the stories, filtering and then creating some solution based delivery system that may be the crumbs another can rely upon to find their way through the perils of life, that satisfies my own self importance, I seem to find in helping others, while hopefully proves to be a more healthy choice for me.  

So, I listened to this weeks TED RADIO HOUR show, which was on decisions and how we make the choices we make.  This is something I myself became incredibly aware of about three years ago, when I tried to curb my complaining, as I was going through some difficult life issues and losing my own ability to keep focused on and put my energy into things that were most rewarding in my life during that time.  I came to understood the complaining was an ineffective action for the most part but not entirely useless because as they cover in the program our choices are not always what they seem and sometimes we are set up to believe we are making choices that we aren’t really making.  If you listen, pay special attention to what Dan Ariely has to say on this.    

My dream:   In it, there was a human chain of love.  The song, “Deeper" was expanded upon.  Love wasn't just the answer, it was the gift.  I think the gift it gave was forgiveness.  Like a missing piece of DNA, strung together, people began to create the chain by linking hands.  They were looking to their left and saying I love you and I need you to forgive the person to your left, so you can forgive yourself, be whole and grab my left hand with your right.  I need the best of you, what is whole, to take my hand.  I forgive you for not being whole.  If you will just do the same, forgive yourself and the person to your left, you will be the whole of what I love, trust and can build a future on and if you grab my hand, we can get through this together.  We can't get through this alone.  We have to do this together and to do that we each have to be the trustworthy one that can be relied upon and we need trust to be reaffirmed, which means we each need to trust in the truth and not make excuses or lies for our short comings only apologize to ourselves and each other for them.  If we can do this, we can re-establish belief in our own ability and the ability of all to move forward and build our future.  Without this we are not building on a solid foundation and we are certain to fall pulling each other down.  Lifting each other is a choice.  I just hope it is really ours to make and if it is, that we choose it.  

Anyway, that's all I can remember and it seemed really important when I woke up and hugely impossible but at the same time doable.  


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