Kristina Furey

"Depths and shallows nobody could sound"

I've been trying to lift dark weight off of my heart. Last week, they had to stop my Dad's chemo, early, due to complications. We put our expectations for relief in the idea that he would finish his radiation last Friday. He did but complications have him in the hospital today. We have a family friend that was diagnosed with cancer soon after my Dad was and I'm disturbed at how many people I know of that have been diagnosed in the past year, including my Father in law, who we just visited on Sunday. After three weeks of fighting pnuemonia, he is finally out of the hospital and now in a rehabilitation facility.
What hit me most this past week was a young girl in a wheelchair at the Johns Hopkins cancer facility on Friday. I think she was about ten or eleven. My Mom says she never sees her smile. Normal me would have tried to offer something in the way of support or helping her find a reason to smile, I had nothing. I just felt tapped out in the imagination department. I know normal me would have dreamed up something encouraging like telling her of Mattie Stepanek and how he was a poet from Maryland and his belief that we all have heart songs to be sung. I'm thinking of him now but I just have felt so mentally lost lately. Not constantly but more moments lost than found this past week... My Mom knelt down beside her, touched her arm and said a prayer for her. Most days last week, my Dad's radiation was scheduled after hers and often they would play the Christian music the little girl brought in to listen to during her radiation, for my Dad during his. I walked away haunted. I wish, I had known what to say or do. Her parents also seemed melancholy. I wondered if she was strong for them or presenting some form of strength on their behalf. It just haunts me and upsets me that I could think of nothing. On the way home I thought of Patch Adams and The Big Apple Circus. Had I known ahead of time I would have been prepared to make balloon animals or do some magic tricks. I had nothing! I also heard this song on the way home that has been playing in my head a lot lately it's by Dawes and it's called "Most People"
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