Kristina Furey

"It's Always Something"--Gilda Radner

I continue to read and work through the book "Change Your Life in 30 Days" by Rhonda Britten and I'm rediscovering pieces of myself I couldn't find when I was looking for them through the fog that came in and settled in my life.  I'm finding old friends/old pieces of myself I think I forgot about or gave up hope on seeing again.  I'm reminded of a thing I once saw on an old Dr. Oz show.  He had women of different ages sit on a swing and the one in her 20's he helped get swinging and spoke about how life is easy in your 20's.  He stopped her and said something about how easy it is for them to get going again.  I think the woman in her 30's got stopped more often but always could get that swing going again, just as easy.  I may be wrong about the exact ages here but as they get older the swing stops more and more and becomes harder and harder to get started.  At the moment I saw myself as the exception to that.  My 30's were the best!  My 20's difficult.  My teens difficult.  Age 10 and under, I was unstoppable.  I learned in my 20's to stop, access and solve and I had the best run through my 30's!  This because I worked so hard on solutions and aligning myself with what was right for me, including diet, exercise, the people I sought out to surround myself with.  So in 2016, when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, soon after I had lost my father and my brother to the same, I knew I was on a slippery slope but I was hyper focused on her.  When she passed, I was in a mental shock (We had been given a different scenario from her doctors during her treatments.)  As the shock wore off, I began to get back to work on my own health.  This is not easy when every doctor you go see asks for the family history, after the nurse has just done the same and you originally had to write it on the forms when you entered the office.  The assessment looks they give you, which turn to one of pity.  None of it helps and then woe is me because on top I have to deal with the assessment and look as they try to unravel my tangled up health history and solve the current reason I am there.  <--I probably didn't need to say any of that but I want to back up, why I was FREAKED OUT!  I can't explain but I have always had the feeling since I was a teen that I was temporary.  I used the label "Survivor" along with some of my other friends but I didn't believe that label status was going to stick for long.  I figured one could only survive for so long.  I longed to be victorious.  When I was a teen and into my early 20's I never expected to see age 30.  If there is a gift in that, it would be that I could appreciate a moment, the company around me and if I didn't, I could walk away.  This often protected me from that thing called "peer pressure".   I was married at 22 and I have to say having someone beside me, the way Dan has been, possibly saved me from the fate I feared.  I can definitely say it gave me courage to believe I might make it further than I had previously thought. 

So why is this important for me to blog about today?  I think because, often the things that hurt us when we are very young become our stumbling blocks later when we re-encounter them through similar situations.  Anger, hurt and fear we feel today, I think are just from the triggers, the events of our childhoods placed in us and with the right support around us and the right mindset we can face them triumphantly and move forward.  Best we understand what they are so we can avoid them or understand in the moment, we are adults now and it is our time to rise up and take control of our beings.  Realize where that anger, hurt and fear comes from and deal with it appropriately.  Feel the hurt, anger and fear and let it go.  (<--just watch the video to understand what I'm trying to say.)

I know I could hide my fear, suppress, my anger, my pain but I think it is just as important as my victories to share.  When I share it with the intent of helping others who may also be struggling with these challenges.  I hope it never comes out as whining.  Forgive me if it does.  That has never been my intent.

WOW, I did not think this was what was coming through me today when I sat to blog.  I really only meant to say I had an eye issue that interfered with my sight and lead to me jamming my finger, which in turn stopped me from getting as much time in as I had hoped to get on a song I am in the process of figuring out on the synth.  "It's always something."  Keep in mind time heals and in the meantime there's nothing else as healing as the right support around you. 

AN ASK:  If you work in a medical practice please consider your patients, feelings and concerns and only ask if there have been any changes since the last time.  Don't make them repeat a sad past over and over and over again.  Thank you <3



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