Kristina Furey

Jim Carrey, this one's for you

Jim Carrey, this one's for you.. Last Friday night, someone mentioned to me that you had crashed “Fashion Week” saying it was the most meaningless thing you could do. The following morning, first thing, I viewed video of the incident for myself and though I don't actually believe you will ever read this, you spoke to my own unsettled nature and may have given me the kick in the pants I needed to put my own voice back out into the world.  I have experienced similar thoughts to those you expressed.  I have struggled with trying to quiet these thoughts in myself.  Quiet them, while suspecting the effort to quiet was detrimental to evolving in ways necessary to help prepare myself and others for something yet to be…  something I am completely clueless to but feel I instinctively know is on the horizon.  While I have felt this way,  I wasn't sure how to communicate this until I looked up the video and realized, I want anybody who is feeling similarly to know that there's others of us shaking our heads at where our culture is putting its importance as we wonder “What the what?!?”  For the moment, my thoughts on this whole existence thing, is that our “selves” are just built on a pattern of reactions, some that come from the pre-programming others have played a part in, some just chemical makeup and the rest probably dependent on the part it seems necessary for us to play at any given moment. I believe that last part is perhaps our nature.  Perhaps like a cell in the body waiting for its impulse to tell it what the whole body needs so it can compensate.  Our reactions, I believe, are natural responses that have just begun to be used in an unnatural, perhaps, ill way...  I'm concerned we have become just a series of reactions brought about by the whims of the mass we are a part of.  If that's so, maybe it is not self awareness that we need but the awareness that we are each a part of one mass in need of congruence.  When I look around at the world today, mostly what I see is people divided and reacting to that division relentlessly.  



What is fashions purpose?  I think Dr. Suess would have defined it as a "Thneed".   "A fine something that all people need."  Fashion is sold like costumes so people can dress up and play a role.  I have a strong sense inside me saying we all need to grow up and stop the madness, this desire to buy ourselves into something that makes us complete, powerful or whatever, may be currently trending as the thing to be.  It's all smoke and mirrors.  A nice distraction perhaps but it scares me that we are constantly being sold on this mentality of look better than, feel better than, be better than and the divisions continue…  I struggle with self image.  It's a slippery slope for me.  I once had the money, I had earned to acquire a chemical face lift, something I thought I wanted/thneeded to feel okay when out in public performing.  I just thought I would feel more comfortable, people can be cruel when they judge.  Then, I thought of this little child with a cleft palette, who gave me such a huge smile in front of the camera, when I was working with Images For Kids as an assistant some years back.  I had just cleaned his face with a wipe, telling him I was cleaning away anything that would get in the way of his parents seeing all his beauty in the photo we were about to take and as I finished, I said to him, "That's it!  I see all your beauty now!"  He beamed!  Long story short, I ended up donating the money so a kid with a cleft palate could have surgery and I'd like to think for some time I felt a lot more beautiful and confident than I would have had I gone through with the injections.   Don't know, I still look in the mirror sometimes and want to fix myself but part of me thinks I'm not what needs fixing... 

What are we becoming?  What do we want to give meaning and value to?
  Things I wonder...


When my mom died earlier this year I unconsciously chose to take a vow of silence, by removing my voice from the internet and any public forum.   She was the third in my family to die from cancer.  After going through the dying process with my brother, my father, and then my mother, I've been overcome with grief at our inability to see how our survival as a species is all connected.  I have found myself perplexed at communicating what I feel I've observed and it seemed like a good precautionary measure to take that vow of silence, so I wouldn't get it wrong and become part of what I believe is the problem, dysfunction.  Dysfunction seems to me to be the disease, we need to carefully cut from our lives, with the precision of a surgeon, performing brain surgery on a cancer patient.  We as a whole need to become self aware, so we as a whole can preserve whatever it is we are.  My heart goes out to Jim Carrey.  I felt you brother and I hope you are okay.  Sometimes being conscious of these things can be too much to explain in a way it can be understood, instead of shunned.  People fear coming to terms with overwhelming truth because they realize, if they accept that truth, they will have to deal with the part they play and decide if they will choose to continue or do the work it takes to get to a higher ground.  It's easier to deny and call someone crazy.  Jim Carrey, you are incredibly creative and I encourage you to find a more palatable, perhaps more subtle way of communicating what you are trying to express.  Try to find a way that they will not see as a threat to their self worth. 

  

***This last part is a note to any people I have disappointed by abandoning my website and the email attached to it.  I agonized and thought about checking my email but I was really taken aback by my mom's passing and I needed to tend to myself as it's my nature to take care of others and I really needed self care.  I am truly grateful for everyone that has offered their condolences.  Forgive me if I have appeared ungrateful as I know, I tend to walk away as a precautionary measure when I need to regroup, or protect myself and others from the emotional states that may make me less trusting of myself and my own decision making, actions even.  I honestly want something better for myself and for you and if I can't put that out, I really don't want to put anything out.

 

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