Kristina Furey

My dog is licking my ankle, righ now as I post this, it tickles :-)

I was at the deli counter the other day and I got to chatting with one of the attendants there. As we chatted I noticed a man that appeared to be waiting to be served.  “We’re just chatting” I said. He said he had been waiting and was under the impression, that I was being waited on. I pointed to someone else behind the counter that was filling my order. The guy was very good humored about it. So we all shared a laugh about how you have to take your moment and run with it when you get it, share a chat or a laugh with others because the opportunities can pass quickly and you might otherwise miss out on them. We were enjoying each others company, humor and upgrading our day. No matter what happened next or how the rest of the day turned out, we had that moment where there was peace in the world or at least in our little part of the world.

 

Unfortunately, I still wake up anxious a lot of mornings, since my Mom's cancer diagnosis, treatments and hospice stay.  There are things I still haven't been able to find the words for, to put those tense, uneasy and sad moments into, so I could express them from my nervous system. We all have our way of processing and for me it's to put those feelings and experiences into words and let them out. It's what works for me as does communing with nature. I find being out in nature, moving and expressing myself to be extremely therapeutic and I would recommend, that everyone give it a try. Often I wake up with my feet feeling ice-cold and/or I feel paralyzed with anxiety. (exhale). I realize, I need time and opportunities to fill my memory bank with new experiences, like the soft feel of a whisper, when my puppy brushes up against me or nudges me to get up and seize the day or a soft kiss from Dan.  I share this because I'm aware. I write, because I'm aware and I hope that if I share what I am aware of, it might be helpful to others. Maybe those looking for the words to purge their own body of what might otherwise be toxic, painful or somehow debilitating, if left to fester, will find something useful in what I write. I write, in hopes it will help others to not feel so alone. I try to humble myself, so that others might feel free of their own short comings because I'm aware we live in a society of judgements. Harsh ones. People today, seem to have a need to assess their own worth constantly through the action of sizing up others. I'm no stranger to this but it's a miss on our part. We are actually attempting to self validate but it's in such a backwards and synthetic way. Synthetic, is at least an attempt... I think there's some quote out there "fake it till you make it." Maybe that works... but I don't want to stick with pretending. I want something real and so I keep trying for that and if there is a silver lining to the sad and anxiety provoking experiences I have had, it would be, that I feel closer to authentic validation. Maybe it's being closer to this mark that has me thinking, if we all would go through the difficult task of authentic validation, it would prove an easier task for all to accomplish... or then again, maybe I'm just riding the ego train, knee deep and shoveling some other synthetic crap ;-) ...Maybe... All the same, I'm choosing to agree with myself on this and validate.

 

"CASTAWAY"-Kristina Furey

"(Verse)

I was a happy child

My life was very blessed

But then one day I found

I had lost my happiness

And I was all alone

Out in the raging sea

I landed on this island

all alone, no one but me...and now...now

(Chorus)

I, I-I am just a castaway

On, on-a deserted Island

And maybe, no one will ever look for me

So I, I-I, had better find myself

(Verse)

And so the days they passed

And I was full of grief

I thought of losing myself

Underneath the angry sea

I had the saddest thought

No one would look for me

And every day that passed

I lost a little piece (peace) of me, me, me-cause

(Chorus)

I, I-I am just a castaway

On, on-a deserted Island

And maybe, no one will ever look for me

So I, I-I, had better find myself

(Verse)

Then when I woke again

I had a master plan

That I would build a raft

And get back to my homeland

but the skies grew dark

and a storm began

I only got so far

Till I was back on the island..I, I-I, I, I

(Bridge)

But then a thought occurred to me that I was right where I should be

A place where I could find myself without conditions of somebody else

And now I know, I know, I

(Chorus)

I, I-I am just a castaway

On, on-a deserted Island

And maybe, no one will ever look for me

But I, I, I-I finally found myself"

 

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