Kristina Furey

"It's Always Something"--Gilda Radner

 

I continue to read and work through the book "Change Your Life in 30 Days" by Rhonda Britten and I'm rediscovering pieces of myself I couldn't find when I was looking for them through the fog that came in and settled in my life.  I'm finding old friends/old pieces of myself I think I forgot about or gave up hope on seeing again.  I'm reminded of a thing I once saw on an old Dr. Oz show.  He had women of different ages sit on a swing and the one in her 20's he helped get swinging and spoke about how life is easy in your 20's.  He stopped her and said something about how easy it is for them to get going again.  I think the woman in her 30's got stopped more often but always could get that swing going again, just as easy.  I may be wrong about the exact ages here but as they get older the swing stops more and more and becomes harder and harder to get started.  At the moment I saw myself as the exception to that.  My 30's were the best!  My 20's difficult.  My teens difficult.  Age 10 and under, I was unstoppable.  I learned in my 20's to stop, access and solve and I had the best run through my 30's!  This because I worked so hard on solutions and aligning myself with what was right for me, including diet, exercise, the people I sought out to surround myself with.  So in 2016, when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, soon after I had lost my father and my brother to the same, I knew I was on a slippery slope but I was hyper focused on her.  When she passed, I was in a mental shock (We had been given a different scenario from her doctors during her treatments.)  As the shock wore off, I began to get back to work on my own health.  This is not easy when every doctor you go see asks for the family history, after the nurse has just done the same and you originally had to write it on the forms when you entered the office.  The assessment looks they give you, which turn to one of pity.  None of it helps and then woe is me because on top I have to deal with the assessment and look as they try to unravel my tangled up health history and solve the current reason I am there.  <--I probably didn't need to say any of that but I want to back up, why I was FREAKED OUT!  I can't explain but I have always had the feeling since I was a teen that I was temporary.  I used the label "Survivor" along with some of my other friends but I didn't believe that label status was going to stick for long.  I figured one could only survive for so long.  I longed to be victorious.  When I was a teen and into my early 20's I never expected to see age 30.  If there is a gift in that, it would be that I could appreciate a moment, the company around me and if I didn't, I could walk away.  This often protected me from that thing called "peer pressure".   I was married at 22 and I have to say having someone beside me, the way Dan has been, possibly saved me from the fate I feared.  I can definitely say it gave me courage to believe I might make it further than I had previously thought. 

So why is this important for me to blog about today?  I think because, often the things that hurt us when we are very young become our stumbling blocks later when we re-encounter them through similar situations.  Anger, hurt and fear we feel today, I think are just from the triggers, the events of our childhoods placed in us and with the right support around us and the right mindset we can face them triumphantly and move forward.  Best we understand what they are so we can avoid them or understand in the moment, we are adults now and it is our time to rise up and take control of our beings.  Realize where that anger, hurt and fear comes from and deal with it appropriately.  Feel the hurt, anger and fear and let it go.  (<--just watch the video to understand what I'm trying to say.)

I know I could hide my fear, suppress, my anger, my pain but I think it is just as important as my victories to share.  When I share it with the intent of helping others who may also be struggling with these challenges.  I hope it never comes out as whining.  Forgive me if it does.  That has never been my intent.

WOW, I did not think this was what was coming through me today when I sat to blog.  I really only meant to say I had an eye issue that interfered with my sight and lead to me jamming my finger, which in turn stopped me from getting as much time in as I had hoped to get on a song I am in the process of figuring out on the synth.  "It's always something."  Keep in mind time heals and in the meantime there's nothing else as healing as the right support around you. 

AN ASK:  If you work in a medical practice please consider your patients, feelings and concerns and only ask if there have been any changes since the last time.  Don't make them repeat a sad past over and over and over again.  Thank you <3

 

 

Starting Over

 

Tell us something interesting about yourself we don’t know?  That was the instruction last night during introductions at the Art Social I attended.  I didn’t tell them this.  I was saving it for you.  There was a reality show in 2004 called “Starting Over”.  I had watched it for a couple of years and I wanted to audition.  This Life Coach named Rhonda Britten was helpful with another singer and I thought “What If?”  So, I sent my audition tape.  I got a call and was asked to quickly fill out forms and get them back in.  There was an opening coming up.  I knew as I filled out the paperwork, I was blowing it, my chance at getting on the show.  I felt solely responsible for where I was in my life and felt I was the only one that needed to go through the work.  I did not want my family or parents brought in and I pretty much laid that out, in the forms.  I also had reservations about leaving my family, my youngest son especially.  They passed on me.  A little painful at the time but I got some form of validation from it and maybe that was all I really wanted.  But it did sting because I really wanted to work through what might be holding me back.   With that intention, I went to the local book store and came back with the book, “Change Your Life in 30 Days” by Rhonda Britton and it was a starting over point for me.  It was the beginning of me seeking out a recording studio guy that helped me get my song, “Life, Love and Laughter” recorded and he said, “Your husband plays guitar?  Get him to add some guitar licks.”  That was the first step of Dan helping me.  He could finally see, well actually hear my vision and jump on board.  As they say the rest is history!  I’ve taken a lot of tumbles since then, got the air knocked out of me, had my health take a tumble of it’s own.  I’ve been working on it.  It’s my health, my job to keep it up.  I am feeling a bit better since eliminating everything but meat, veggies, fruits and some oils.  Currently, I’m testing myself by adding gluten free, steel cut oatmeal back in, to see if I notice a reaction.  Something I will do with each food I have eliminated...  in time…   While I’m working on my health and getting results, I thought it would be a good time to revisit my Rhonda Britton book.  I’m only on day 6.  A interesting observation I've made is that I have 6 songs I've written, that correlate well enough with the 6 chapters, I've read so far.  It's as if they were written to go together.  Was I influenced? Not necessarily, since I wrote some before 2004.  However, I have found myself humming Colbie Caillat’s “Realize”,  a lot... that's interesting, I thought, when I caught on.   I definitely "realize" this quote from Rhonda tells exactly where I am currently, “I quit trying to be perfect and just spoke from the heart”.  That's my only road out and to getting back on track.  I can't even try to be perfect, it's like running in quicksand for me.  Best I can do is just be and hope that my being gives value.  The rest is too exhausting and I'm not even sure really appreciated. 

I’m hoping to find my way back to the ideas I had before I tumbled.  Mentally, I understand what I wanted to accomplish but the passion, the soul of it, seems to be missing.  I wanted to do something for girls in middle school that their mothers would also get something out of and maybe even their fathers.  I just saw the movie “Eighth Grade” this week and it stirred up a little of those feelings that originally led me to what I previously believed was a calling.  I've also been working on one of the songs I believed would fit the project.  Here's a link.  I tried to use techniques I learned about through Tom Jackson's Boot Camps, books and videos, while keeping in mind what I learned earlier this week on Hidden Brain in this podcast at minute 19:10.    At some point I hope to take these collections of songs and put them on CD, try out a one woman show or maybe move them into Dan's and my repertoire and create a looser version of a show but big picture is to create a musical with age appropriate girls playing the parts.  I imagine it could be like the Vagina Monologues but geared towards younger females, mother daughters, aunts, sisters and brave males.  I just imagine this event of unity and support.  Interactive in a way that helps significant female role models bond with their beloved young up and comers.  But I will start with keeping it simple, nurturing it and seeing what it becomes. 

 

Things and stuff

 

Soon after my mother’s death, I found myself in my psychiatrist’s office crying over things.  Things, as in, all the things my parent’s owned.  Things that I didn’t find important but all of the sudden, things I had to make choices over.  I was unsure how to make these choices.  On one hand I was so angry with the stuff, like a child full of jealousy.  I felt the stuff was more important to them than I was and strangely the stuff represented moments I could have shared with my parents and investments in my own life, I had starved for them to make.  I had wanted, I thought needed, a certain amount of closure with each of my parents that they either never felt was necessary, weren't comfortable giving, didn't feet I deserved or ….  fill in the blank cause I have no clue but I felt a void inside.  I’m very aware that stuff can’t fill the void, even more now, after trying.  It was easier for me to resent the stuff than to resent my parents.  The resentment started upon my mother’s return home, after leaving my family when I was eleven.  She had a job, money and goals, that seemed to be linked to this new life she was shopping for, a life we would accompany her in.  This life, recast her and my relationship.  She didn’t want to be a mother she wanted to be friends.  I was honored she felt this way towards me, while at the same time, I mourned the areas of my life she never returned to.

I have this very distinct memory of visiting my mom in her condo before she and my father reconciled.  I think it was my first visit there, when she said “Let’s go shopping!  I want to get you something.”  “What would you like?”  I looked around at her condo full of lawn furniture and boxes for end tables.  I thought of my own room at home and how I had been indulged with so much I had a hard time keeping my room clean (it was near impossible).  I thought about all the lessons she and my father had taught me in regards to being humble.  “We don’t have idols.”  “We share.”  “We are blessed and so it is our job to bless others.” My father once told me, if he caught me bragging to friends or at church, my stuff would go away.  It was poor manners to make anyone in your company feel anything but cherished.  We were taught in church that we were God’s fishermen and we did that by being an example of God’s grace.  So, I felt extremely uncomfortable when my mom said she wanted to take me shopping and she barely had anything to her name or in her condo.   She wanted me to have something of my own to keep in her home.  Seemed important to her and I didn’t want to let her down.  I thought of the least expensive thing I could enjoy that would last me many visits.  A rug hook kit.  I made over that rug hook, like it was my favorite thing to do.   Visiting my mom and doing that rug hook BECAME my favorite thing.  

After unloading my grief in my Psychiatrist's office and my distaste for the relationships people have with money and stuff, in lieu of people, it occurred to me, my desire to somehow preserve all the wonderful, loving things my parents did do for me and the precious moments we had shared, also made me want to grab and hold onto objects to preserve those moments.  I hoped to share some of these things and the reasons they were special to me with my children and/or grandchildren.  I was so conflicted, angry, confused and full of sad, lost, longing, for something that stuff will never cure.  I couldn’t help but remember when I wrote in my journal how quizzical it was, that some parents sell their children out in lieu of money, only to find themselves trying to buy their children back with that same money.  It’s like money=success and then people have experiences and age into seeing success=relationships and then try to save the ones most important to them.  Buying them if necessary.

I wasn’t too surprised to learn my children had little interest in their Grandparent’s possessions.  I almost felt like I was forcing objects on them.  I wanted them to take things that would keep the memory of my parents alive in them.  Some things I kept for my children, thinking maybe they would want them later down the road.  I also tried to encourage them to consider multi-generational wealth by sending them this link to a podcast where it is discussed.  My parents stuff was multi-generational wealth in the form of free home goods and furniture.  An inheritance.  It could save them money, which in turn, could be invested in their futures or the betterment of their current lives.  Maybe not easy to see but a better choice than the stylish, yet cookie cutter pieces of furniture you may find on HGTV and have to use credit to buy.  Probably something we should all be talking to our kids and encouraging them to consider.  Many times, my father's stressed the importance of respect for people and their hard work.  He gave me examples of how a lack of respect for those who came before us, their hard work and accomplishments, can end in tragedy and he encouraged me to read, “The Good Earth”.   It just might be the most important book I ever read and one I believe, may give you a better understanding of why many of us find it dishonerable to see Trump dismantling and disrespecting what the “Fathers of our Country” worked so hard to earn, understand and preserve for us.  

I am so thankful for/to my parents.  I loved them deeply.  I know they always meant well!  I have deep respect for them, all they taught me and all they did for me.  They were loving and kind people.  Still, as their youngest child, I had a front row seat to what I perceived as their flaws.  As I have aged, I have questioned some of my accounts in this area.  I have at times found myself making, what I believe to be similar errors in judgement.  It’s all too easy.  These things that distance us, parent to child, husband to wife, people to people, these things that create an environment of flaws, distrust and disconnection, I have been sensitive to my whole life and tried to make sense of it, as I watched the story play out again, and again with the same sad endings.  I have put down my weapons of anger and rebellion in hopes the pen is not only mightier but more productive than the sword.  I write what I write and say what I say because I think there are important things here to consider…  I’m reminded of a lyric I wrote years ago.  “I don’t know what exactly made me step up to the mic.  Wrote a song about a love gone wrong, so that others could feel right.”    I would not be sharing a thing if I did not believe it could be helpful.  Still sometimes I can’t even describe what I want to convey and those are the moments I’m so thankful to the other artists out there who find a way to say, show or touch others in such a way that communicates effectively what we need to be aware of and here is a link to a documentary that in my opinion, does exactly that!  It is called “Generation Wealth” by Lauren Greenfield who also did the documentary titled “Queen of Versailles”.  It too is well worth the watch!

 

With love

 

I wish you a happy Valentine's Day!  I hope regardless of your relationship status you will take a little time today to consider whom you love and what you love about life. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day rituals without taking time to really look at the significant people in your life.  What do you love about them?  Valentines Day, may be a good day to share with them, what that is and give them a little extra validation, that they are important to you.  It is also a perfect day to give yourself a little love and validation.  You deserve it!   When we feel full in this area it comes through in everything we do.  It attracts people to you because it makes you feel good about yourself and gives you an appreciation for yourself and those around you.  If we all did this, we could solve almost all the problems in our country and then we could turn that appreciation and validation on the other countries.  I know that may seem far fetched but when you validate and appreciate your own humanity, your eyes open to all humanity and its need to be validated and appreciated.  What would happen next?  We would realize that all humans need a healthy ecosystem for survival and we would begin to secure and insure our planets health and our survival.  It all starts with you, validating your humanity, loving yourself and then turning your focus on those that surround you, so you can offer them the same.  

I keep hearing that loneliness is an epidemic in our country.  If you find yourself feeling lonely it might make you feel better to help be the solution to the loneliness epidemic by taking time to interact with others around you.  I'm not talking about social media, I'm talking about the people you come across in your everyday life.  I heard recently the more time people spend on social media the more likely they are to suffer with loneliness.  If you are one of the ones that are actually more lonely when you are with someone or in a group (I have felt this way before) it may be time to re-evaluate your interests or priorities and begin to see other people or hang in other groups.  If you think you need help, reach out and get it!  There's no shame in needing support and asking for it.  Life can be hard to navigate sometimes. It can be difficult.  That is not a reflection of you.  More a symptom of a complex world.  So love yourself, validate your needs and seek to get them met.  You never know, you may uncover a solution beneficial to others as well as you :-)

If you have lost a loved one, I want to share these lyrics I wrote, in an effort to cushion me against what was then, the impending loss of my father, at the time I wrote it.  You may find the words comforting and if you feel alone, I'm hoping you will begin to see that you are never alone when you carry your loved ones in your heart.  The song is called "Still Alive"

"This changes nothing, nothing but everything.  I hear you tell me I'm gonna be fine.  I keep you with me and I hear the words you'd say in my mind, in my mind, you're still alive.  In my mind, in my mind, you're still alive.

We are timeless, for the things we've taught.  We are beauty.  We are peace.  We are consciousness, when our lives are lost.  There's no end to the universe that each of our souls reach.  

We are infinity and you are here with me.  I can sense you sometimes as I breathe.  You are coaching me from the sidelines and those lessons you've taught, I repeat.  This changes nothing, nothing but everything.  I hear you tell me I'm gonna be fine.  I keep you with me and I hear the words you'd say, in my mind, in my mind, you're still alive.  In my mind, in my mind, you're still alive.

You're my shadow, when I feel alone.  You're the sun warming my skin.  You're the places that we used to go.  You're the answers I sense when I'm asking questions.  This changes nothing, nothing but everything.  I hear you tell me I'm gonna be fine.  I keep you with me and I hear the words you'd say in my mind, in my mind, you're still alive.  In my mind, in my mind, you're still alive.

Cause we are light and we are energy and we are impulses that travel through minds.  I can feel you sometimes like you're here with me, in my mind, in my mind, in my mind, in my mind, in my mind, in my mind, you're still alive."

Love and peace,

Kristina <3

 

 

"No place like home"--Dorothy Gale

 

After listening to “1A” last week, celebrate the 80 year anniversary, of “The Wizard of Oz”.   I found myself with a little tune in my head and the lyrics, “Surrender, surrender Dorothy.  You’ve been running around in shoes, that don’t belong to you.  So surrender, surrender Dorothy…”  <—That little bit was really all I had and as I sometimes do when writing, I ran with it in one direction and then another.   Sad to say, it was quickly going no where and this, after I was so excited to see it pop in my head.  I was just about to release it.  As in “Catch and release”, something I think about sometimes when choosing to let go rather than dig my heels in.  I was just about to release it, when it occurred to me “Surrender Dorothy” had a significance in my life that went beyond the movie, the musical and the book.  

If you live/have lived in the Washington DC area, perhaps you have memories that revolve around, the ever revolving 495 Beltway.   Memories of traveling north west and that bridge, just before the Mormon Tabernacle, that for years on and off had the graffiti, “Surrender Dorothy” on it.  From the moment I could read, I was as excited to see it each time as we drove on 495 as I was the signs that hype up “South Of The Border” on 95.   I was sad when we’d get to that bridge and find it painted over and mischievously happy, when magically it was back.  If you’ve ever spent time in rush hour traffic on 495 then you know trying to get home, feels like trying to get to the end of a rainbow.  It might even leave you singing or whistling, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” or I’m Always Chasing Rainbows”.  Or if you’re twisted like me  it might have you creating twisted tunes like, “Follow the truck with the load.  Follow the truck with the load.  Follow, follow, follow, follow.  Follow the truck with the load”  or  “I’m stuck here in a blizzard, that no weatherman ever called.”  I could go on but it wasn’t twisted lyrics I had planned on sharing.  SO ANYWAY, with all this in mind I sat down and wrote an ode to that graffiti.  Here are the lyrics.
“Surrender Dorothy”
Posted on that bridge beside the Mormon Tabernacle said, “Surrender Dorothy.”  I would like to thank its Artist.  Stuck on 495.  Trying to get around.  Couldn’t find my way home but that tabernacle could be found.  Surrender, “Surrender Dorothy.”  You’ve been running around in shoes that don’t belong to you.  So surrender, “Surrender Dorothy,”, there’s no place like home, so why am I always on this road?  
The road to success, forever slowly paved said, “Surrender Dorothy”  as construction took things down a lane.  So I bid my time, with others all around.  Clicked my heels together and said, “I want to be home right now.”  Surrender, “Surrender Dorothy.”  You’ve been running around in shoes that don’t belong to you.  So surrender, “Surrender Dorothy,” there’s no place like home, so why am I always on this road?
If I only had a brain, I’d be somewhere else.  If I had the courage, I’d be working for myself.  I know I have a heart, feels like it’s gonna break, every time my child asks, “Why do you have to go away?  If there’s no place like home why don’t you stay?”  Surrender, “Surrender Dorothy.”  You’ve been running around in shoes that don’t belong to you.  So surrender, “Surrender Dorothy,” there’s a better place you see because there’s no place like home for me.

Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone but for me, to be in sneakers, running around the parks with my boys and all the other places we were able to go and explore, just before clicking our heels and finding ourselves home, was something I will always feel fortunate to have experienced and shared with them.  That and being able to stop, drop and write, when the muses inspire me. 

 

"The love you're born to find"--Dean Lewis

 

This is a letter I wrote some time ago, to a person I hold dear.  It popped back into my head and has been pulling at me ever since December, when I heard "Be Alright" by Dean Lewis. I just kept feeling, at the very least, I should revisit what I had written and consider sharing it.  Sure, it was written for a female but I think it's pretty universal. I would say the same about the Dean Lewis song. 

"Hey sweetie when I woke up this morning you were the first person on my mind.  I may have let my own motivations get ahead of yours yesterday and I apologize for that.  I feel like I should have listened more and spoken less.  I jumped in and blurted out everything I did because I knew you were hurting over that past boyfriend and I wanted to fix it.  I don't want you to hurt.  So when you spoke of this new guy, I wanted to warn you not to jump in too soon.  It occurred to me this morning that there may be a part of you craving validation and maybe you found that, in the way this new guy related to you.  I do know guys sometimes use that as a ploy though and since I don't know this new guy, I don't trust his intentions and I was feeling protective of you.  Today, it occurs to me that what I should have done was assure you that you are smart girl and that you should trust your own intentions. 

I remember falling into relationships with the rebound guy. So today, I’d like to share this with you.  I remember people telling me rebound guy never makes it.  In hindsight it's possible they were right.  Because rebound guy was just the guy that reminded me of the thrill of first meetings.  He reminded me I could get butterflies in my stomach again.  He reminded me that I could stop thinking about the guy that I was heartbroken over.  He reminded me of the reasons why Mr. Heart Breaker didn't cut it with me.  Sometimes he reminded me that it was I, who wanted to or did break up in the first place with Mr. Heart Breaker because he wasn't cutting it.  And as I looked at Mr. Rebound, I thought, "That's right, I WAS Going to break up with Mr. Heart Breaker and then I would go into my long list of the reasons why.  And as I stared into Mr. Rebound's eyes I thought, "Yes, I can still love."  But unfortunately for Mr. Rebound, the real lesson he taught me, was that it was me that I could still love.  And maybe it never worked out with Mr. Rebound because what I really needed to get over Mr. Heart Breaker was time to get back in touch with my own needs and my own goals and understand that Mr. Heart Breaker was no longer in my future or part of those goals. So Mr. Rebound really was more of a coach.  You know, that guy that rubs your shoulders and tells you , “You're the champ and now get back in that ring.”  Poor Mr. Rebound because the whole time he's thinking you need to get back in that ring with me, he doesn't understand that you have to get back in that ring by yourself and prove to yourself that you are okay.  In fact, YOU are MAGNIFICENT and your goals and your dreams and the future that you are staring into is INCREDIBLE and worthy of nothing less than an equally INCREDIBLE person by your side.  And that's what you need to realize, to honestly assess the relationship with Mr. Heart Breaker as you logically deconstruct it, label it and file it away as an experience that brought you joy, heartache, taught you stuff and got you closer to understanding who you are and who you aren't.   What were you thankful for?  And no I don't mean "I'm thankful it's over damn it!"  I mean, what about the relationship, felt like love and comfort and warmth or support?  What were your happiest moments when you were in that relationship and what was going on?  Those might be things you'll want to recreate in your life. There were happy moments with Mr. Heart Breaker.  I can't believe anyone completely wrong for you would hold your attention for any amount of time.  So, take stock of the love and the good moments that you had together.  Like those moments you and he chose to spend time, money and attention on each other.   You both chose to put up with some things that weren't so comfortable too and some how at the time it was worth the choice.  Be honest with yourself about what worked and then be honest with yourself about what didn't work.  And then think about what are the most important things that you need in a relationship.  What did you need from Mr. Heart Breaker that you didn't get?  What things did he do that you don't want in your life?  File these things away so when you're meeting, talking to, dating or in a relationship with someone and you see these things again you will already know this is not for you and hopefully know before you have bonded too much...

Maybe this new guy is a good male friendship for now.  Maybe he is Mr. Rebound.   But what about friendship with a male?  Let's see, you get a good idea of who they are and you see them from a different perspective, then if you're engaged with them in a sexually motivated way.  "Friends" gives you time to see them in different lights and scenarios.  Who knows, maybe you look at him after a while and think “Damn he's sexy but I know all his faults and they don't work with me.”  Or “That boy is trouble!  He's fun as a friend but it would be no fun having my heart stomped all over by his troubled ways.  Or maybe, one day you'll find yourself going “Damn he is sexy and he is a mighty fine man and that might be something I want to pursue!?!”  All I really wanted to say yesterday was take time because you have it.  Do the things that make your pulse race and put a smile on your face that don't include guys.  Pay attention to the males in your life and the things that you like about them and the things that you don't like so much and the things that you don't like so much but they're tolerable.  It's just my thought and I could be wrong, you have to figure out what's right for you but it's my thought that if you take a step back and just start observing yourself, what makes you smile (?), pay attention to other people and what about them works for you (?) and doesn't work for you… (?)   if you just build up your awareness muscle like the rest of the muscles that you work on, it will make you stronger and help you get out of life more of what YOU want.  

Let it be known that Dan is not perfect.  I am not perfect.  We work at our relationships. We put up with things we don't always want to put up with but we are in deep.  Somewhere along the years we dated, we bonded and we chose what we chose.  Now, we choose our battles. We put up with things sometimes that we otherwise wouldn't want to and make it work because we want it to work.  Each of us had relationships before that we did that with and then we decided one day or someone in the relationship decided one day, this isn't working or I don't want to work at this anymore or I don't want to be the one doing all the work here.  There was no right person, there was no wrong person, no seriously flawed person, there were just two people that were no longer choosing each other and choosing to make it work.  Dan and I found each other and we keep making the choice to make it work.  Relationships aren't easy.  They aren't one sided.  But they are easier when we realize, they take a lot of work, each person in them is responsible to make it work and the work is never ending.  Unless the relationship ends but even then, there are the residual effects, which I'm sure you're now experiencing as far as your X-boyfriend goes.  So most importantly, what I want to share with you, is that the most important person to make sure these things work out with, is yourself!!!  So be sure to work on understanding what works in relationships for you.  And while you're doing that, here's something to keep in mind.  You don't need to trust anybody else if you can trust yourself.  You don't have to worry that the boy will hurt you, if you can trust yourself to get hurt and get back up and keep moving.  You don't have to trust that your house is safe from hurricanes and other disasters, if you trust yourself to know, that so long as you survive the hurricanes and disasters, you can get up and you can move on.  You are a beautiful, strong young woman and unfortunately there are let downs in life but you have everything you need to get back up and keep moving!!! Should you ever start to question that, please know that I love you and I'm here to remind you! I love you so much my dear!!!"

 

Closed Because of Government Shutdown

 

In solidarity to my fellow American's who have been put on Furlough, I am placing myself on furlough.   Before I do, I need to say this.  To have people working and not receiving wages seems to be a form of slavery to me.  To be a person entrusted with the title President and the power that accompanies it, to then hold the welfare of fellow Americans captive utilizing that power, seems in the least to me, to be a misuse of power.   At the worst, I am concerned, it could be an act of treason.  "Safe", are we safe if we build a wall between us and Mexico?  Are we safe to make enemies of our neighbors?  Are we safe if our government is being dismantled from within?  Pay close attention because I don't understand how we are safe when our government either can't see or agree on what is best for The "United" States as a whole.  I would think it would be taking care of Americans, especially those who work for our Country.

I leave you with Emily Dickinson's poem, "I'm Nobody, Who Are You?"

And John Lithgow reading Dr. Suess's "Yertle The Turtle".  

No real reason except they seem to make me feel better.

 

 

What's in your SPF?

 

I have a couple things to share this week.  

First-I am somehow managing life on the elimination diet, thanks in part to Detwiler’s, our area’s, family owned farmer’s market.  I am able to find things there, the other stores just don’t carry and the other day, I discovered another patron there with Hashimoto’s.  Actually, I overheard her talking to another lady about cow’s milk substitutes.  “I don’t know which one I should get,” she said and then I heard her mention her thyroid.  “What can’t you eat and why?”   I got all nosy and in her business but I wanted her to get what she needed, you know… and I blurted out, “I have Hashimoto’s.” In case they wondered why I was being all nosy.  So did she and I told her about  the elimination diet I was on and the book “Hashimoto’s Protocol” by Izabella Wentz.  She was the second person I stumbled across that day, who was dealing with Hashimoto’s, whom with, I was able to share my new found information.  Why do I share this with you?  Well two people in one day, plus me, a third person, I’m starting to think more people have this than I realized.  So maybe someone you know is struggling with this.

Second-Interesting enough, while researching my SPF, as suggested in “Hashimoto’s Protocol,”  I learned that not only is it possible, SPF could be what triggered my latest issues (more on that in just a moment) it also could be killing marine life, coral specifically but who knows what else.  Okay (here’s the more)  when I got Aja (my puppy) I changed my SPF after learning Zinc Oxide is toxic to dogs.  However, the SPF I switched to, unbeknownst to me, has hormone-like activity known to disrupt the reproductive system and thyroid and has behavioral alterations in animal studies.  Not to forget, it is the coral killing kind!   Adding to the complication is that another SPF, I happen to have and use occasionally is known to disrupt estrogen, androgen and progesterone.  Hmm, I was told in my 20’s, progesterone fluctuations were most likely what was triggering my migraines.  A reason I choose to go off birth control pills in my 20’s.  Yes, it helped my health tremendously, including seriously reduced the number of migraines I got.  (This was my own experience and I am open to the idea it may have been nothing more than the power of suggestion.  Regardless, I was thankful for far fewer migraines.  But please, if you have migraines and chose to experiment by going off of birth control pills, be sure to discuss the pros and cons of using another form of birth control with your doctor!  Better yet, keep your doctor in the loop and help them, help you, to make wise and informed decisions in regards to your health, ALWAYS!!!)  Back to SPF.  At least one SPF has estrogen in it.  (<—Ladies we may need to bring back the phone tree for this one.  Somehow we gotta get the message through to Levitra Lady (<-not the commercial I was looking for but it will do.)  For a while there, every time my husband would watch golf, She was on and I was giggling because it seemed silly, like perfect for SNL to do a skit on.  But it's not silly if her man is taking pills unnecessarily because his SPF is filling him with estrogen.  Seriously, have you ever listened to the list of side effects some of the pills out there have?  I say some but seems to me, all.  So research carefully, prepare, and bravely start those conversations with your doctors to make sure that you are utilizing knowledge, you doctors abilities, medical interventions and lifestyle choices to your best benefit.  I know how complicated it can be!  How tiring but do it for yourself and those that love and/or depend on you.   If you want to know more about what is in your environment that shouldn't be, here is the link to ewg.org  where you can find their SPF List.  You can search their website for more concerning protecting your health and this article may also be helpful.

Knowledge is power.  Knowledge may save your life one day or help you save someone else’s life.  Life is in need of protecting and we can help, if we share the information that counts.   I welcome you to check my facts and let me know if I have them wrong because getting the facts wrong can ruin everything, our health, our lives, our environment, our futures.  I only ask that you choose kindness in your corrections.  

One last thing, I have added a few things to my share page including a video on on how we picked our breeder, Lynwinn Poodles and things to consider if you or someone you know is thinking about getting a dog. 

 

Hello 2019!

 

Raise your hand if you, like me, found yourself going to bed early, December 31st.  It occurred to me at some point, I’m pretty okay leaving 2018 behind and showing up as early as possible, in an attempt to make nice with 2019.  I’m not sure 2019 has even noticed this effort, yet here I am, wearing out the phrase, “Happy New Year!”  <—Yes, that is being thrown your way currently.  

Psst… I can’t yet decide if I am happy.  Don’t tell anyone.  I gave up coffee (well caffeine and yes we could argue the whole “Well what about decaf coffee?” and then go “Oh yeah it still has some caffeine…”  Do that thing where we roll our eyes from left to right, taking the northern route to get there, before crying out “WHY DOES THE DECAF COFFEE LIE!?!”  Seriously, why does it lie?  Why doesn’t it just honor it’s word “decaf” and have absolutely no caf to lie about?   By the way, no one answers that question when you yell it, even if you look up to the heavens while yelling.  No God like voice answers.  People do however, look in my direction and then away before sliding two steps in the away direction.  I also gave up wine.  Not to be confused with whining.  I have been getting extra participation points in that area.  I gave up Sugar.  No biggie.  Well, that’s what I thought...   I had done it before but somehow this time is harder.  I gave up dairy.  That was all fine and dandy until I made chili and had no cheese or sour cream to top it.  How can you make a chili sundae if you can’t plop a healthy dose of whip cream looking, sour cream on top, with shredded cheese sprinkles and put a cherry (tomato) on top?  Hmm?  How?  I rest my case!  No that’s not all I gave up and no soy.  Without soy can Thai food survive?  And sushi, what will it be like when my salmon sushi has no soy, only wasabi?  Oh, and I gave up gluten.  Gluten, that can’t be anything important it sounds yucky, right?  Well, actually that means a whole lotta stuff can’t be eaten.   

I am hoping to be able to eat these foods again some day.  Fingers crossed, that day will be in 3 months and my Hashimoto’s will magically go into remission.  In the beginning of last year I had to start taking thyroid medication (something I have been fortunate to have avoided having to do for many years.  I believe I owe this good fortune to educating myself and following through with lifestyle choices). When I started the medication last January, It worked for a while and then it didn’t and then it was upped and then it was lowered and then in August I started loosing my hair again (thankfully I had, HAD, a whole lot of baby fine hair. I have been losing hair on an off since then).  I have been experiencing other symptoms too, among them a hoarse voice, that comes and goes for no reason, I have been able to figure out.  I have been told many times that my allergy symptoms can’t be treated.  I have been told I will have to have my esophagus stretched, each time it starts closing up on me.   I have been advised since the late 90’s that I should try the elimination diet to see if food is a trigger.  Sometimes we just don’t want to believe that we have to dig down deeper and keep working for or giving up things for what we honestly need.  Sometimes we just want things to be easier and they are not.  Sometimes it feels like life isn’t fair but it’s certainly not a reason for us to lie to ourselves and cheat ourselves out of a future or better health or… well I’ll let you fill that last blank in and hopefully we will all create a Happy New Year!

Song currently making me smile:  "Beautiful World" by Colin Hay :-) 

 

Wishing you peace

 

My New Years resolution for 2002 was to create a peace in myself that I could fall back on and give to others.  I did a lot of reading and learning on ways I could do that.  This was not the first time I had such a resolution and worked towards finding a way to be the change I wanted to see in our world. 

I worked on the song for years before it became this.  My wish in the form of a song.

I found this interview to be a big help to me in understanding things from other's perspectives.  I find it is is very important if you want to promote peace, to have an understanding of everyone involved.  It is no guarantee peace will be achieved outside of ourselves but I find it has always given me some peace inside.

God bless!