Kristina Furey

I'm a quitter

 
Early on I learned in "Tug Of War" if my opponent was stronger and I was losing, I could let go and have immediate satisfaction in no longer putting all my effort into something without a sense of reward or worse yet, feeling like I was failing. I equated letting go and quitting as a sort of freedom and an opportunity to find success elsewhere. It's not normal for me to quit at games, unless they last too long to hold my attention or start to feel tedious to me. In general, I'm not really that much of a game player unless it's puzzle based or fun in a community sort of way, where everyone's having a good laugh. Winners and losers is not so much for me. I have always preferred win/win. I like games but not when things get too complicated or too competitive. Yes, I purposefully lost out to my kids when they were young, not always but more often than not and I'd totally throw the first part of the game in an effort to make them feel excited at the prospect of winning it made it more fun for them and more interesting for me to try to have a comeback but I never cared if I got skunked by my kids.
What I don't like is wasting time. When my mind starts to wander, I normally start to question if I need to as well. I start getting anxious that I'm missing out on something better, like me, if not here in this moment then where are my thoughts and I normally want to follow them and so I quit what I'm doing and try to catch up with my mind's vision. I free up time for wherever it is my mind wants to go. If I'm tired and don't know where that is, I'm content with the idea that at least I won't be caught up in doing something I don't want, when the thing I do want, makes itself known or available. I like the freedom of knowing I can just jump in and give it a go and see how it makes me feel.
I've been feeling like there's too much on my plate lately and I'm looking around skeptically at things and asking is this what I want? Does this fit the life I want to live? Is this something I own or is this something that owns me? Is this tool useful anymore? This habit? This lifestyle? I'm taking inventory of my time and my things and I know, I'm about to quit some things in order to make space for what I want or maybe just space where I can be, comfortable, till that next inclination moves me in a direction that has my name on it...
Current song on my mind-Beatles, "Let It Be"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajCYQL8ouqw&feature=kp
 

For the time being...

 
My life feels like chaos at the moment and even admitting this frightens me. I feel myself pulling inward in an attempt to find my own clarity. My belief is that I will find what I need inside me and pull that envisioned change through me and into this world our bodies occupy. I believe each of us are doors we can pull change through when it's wanted, needed and we're willing to do the work that comes with it. I think it's our connection to a collective soul, a place where we are all one, the place we all come from and all return to one day in the form of energy. I believe this life is our gift to explore our own individuality and along with it sensations strangely different from those felt as a collective soul. I believe we are, while in human form the care takers of all life, strange and wondrous gift that it is.
I was sad to learn that Marianne Williamson is not going to Congress. Like a scientist, I was curious to see how that might play out. I believe in leaders that are responsible to the people they lead and to the preservation of and betterment of the lives of those they lead. I think of the great deeds Jimmy Carter has done for others and I think of him as a great leader, even if he wasn't known to be a great President. Perhaps Marianne will do more for people by not being a Congress person. I do believe in her and I hope she continues to envision a world of change and pull it through her, while gifting those of us hungry for it.
When I think of leaders, 911 and the second Twin Tower tends to cross my mind. The accounts of the people asking their managers/leaders should we evacuate and they were told to get back to work. I would have high tailed it out of there and convinced as many people as I could to do the same. However, I've learned in life the more I wave my arms around in an attempt to call attention to the impending accidents I see on the horizon, the crazier I appear to be and less likely people are to pay attention. So many events I've seen play out in my head before they actually have happened. So often I feel like I'm just watching it in slow motion until life catches up and KABOOM, it's too late. Drives me crazy sometimes, especially when those I love are hurt or swallowed up in it.
I want to enjoy this moment (good/bad) for whatever it offers because I believe it WILL point me in the next direction I need to go. I want to preserve life and the titillation of the senses making us excited and energized to be alive. I want to preserve this for your and my children's children and theirs, etc.
What are you here (in this life) for? There's no right on wrong answer, there's only the next question it leads you to. How is that going for you? Are you leading yourself? Following leaders? Are they leading you where you want to go? Are your needs being met? Will you leave a legacy? If so, for whom and what is that legacy? Or maybe you don't know what you're here for. That's a foreign thought to me. Again, neither wrong nor right, unless that's not working for you. Maybe I over think life. That's a possibility I've contemplated. Maybe the chaos I'm pulling back from only exists in my own head...
Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians, "What I Am":  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDl3bdE3YQA  "Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep."  :-)
 

If you could stop the world for 1 day who would you spend it with?

 
In this technology, computer internet age, sometimes I find myself lost. We all seem to be so connected in with it, that sometimes I fear disconnection with people. Hmm? Well let me explain further. On one hand I can keep track of family and friends from many miles away and feel close, while connecting with old friends and making new ones right there from my computer. On the other hand, I get a sinking feeling inside when I spy a mother in a restaurant using her cell phone the whole meal, while a child stares off into the distance or worse, tries to get her attention. I've even seen whole families with all their gadgets and not a word between each other. This strikes me as sad and perplexing, as do the moments I realize, I've lost vast amounts of time to the internet, when I told a family member I'd be with them in five minutes and that was 45 minutes or so ago...
Last Wednesday, I felt the need to go be with my parents. My Dad has been suffering the effects of radiation and chemo therapy. I wanted to stop the world and spend some time with he and my Mom. While I was with them, I had this guilty feeling nagging at me over not checking my email. Strange world. That never would have even crossed my mind as little as 10 years ago. I had email 10 years ago but it was lucky to be checked once a week. I found myself pondering what "Tuesdays With Morrie" would have been like if Mitch had been texting while Morrie spoke or checking his email and social media. "Excuse me Morrie, hold that thought..." It was rewarding to me, to let the computer oriented thoughts go and connect with my parents in the moment. When I choose to spend my time with someone, it's just my nature that they get my attention as fully as I have it to give. Normally, at that moment, they are my favorite person to be with because I've chosen to be with them, spend time with them and time is important to me. I personally don't want to be with someone that prefers their phone, to my company. I'm not over the top about this. I'm respectful of people's time. I'm patient and understanding when people have serious things to sort out in life and it requires cell phones or computers. The world doesn't revolve around me but my time and how I spend it, kinda does and I've always been very aware that we could run out of time tomorrow and I can't help but wonder what my last regrets would be. If I had only one half hour left of life, would I send out an email to all my family and friends? Would I post to social media? No, no I wouldn't. Most likely, I would try to get to my family members and be with them or call them and then embrace whoever was with me in the last moment.
 

Fate and Furey

 
I'll keep it short today and just direct you to the first video of Dan and I combining our music with sailing. It's my desire to inspire joie de vivre and then take it a step further to help you accomplish that with your significant other and inspire it in your offspring. SO, without further ado here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmPaAmKNZbQ&list=UUPLCm3Z8Xa_yUen2ckAZUTA
"I want each of you to find your inner peace, so we can collectively put the "peaces" of the puzzle together and finally see the picture it creates-World Peace."---Kristina Furey
 

When I was 16, it was a very good year

 
When I was 16, I went to Ocean City with two girlfriends and one of my girlfriend's family. We spent each evening out on the boardwalk, normally eating a slice of Grottos and checking out the scene and in with certain shop owners we had befriended. Both of my friends were very bubbly like myself and one just loved to hug people and made that very evident. So one night, I convinced them we should welcome people to the boardwalk. I thought we could have a lot of fun with it, if we told people it was our job to welcome them to our wonderful boardwalk and we hoped they really enjoyed it and took advantage of the evening to do everything that would make their beach vacation complete. We told them at the very end of the boardwalk they would find little cards where they could rate their experience of the boardwalk and of course, us, their welcoming crew. (Of course this all fabricated by yours truly) In my head it was like the FANTASY ISLAND welcome but with hugs, instead of flower leis. Very few people avoided us. Most people loved us as they found us fun and non-threatening and we even got some interest from the opposite sex, wanting numbers and to hang with us. Okay, I did take pitty on one guy who said he was going to get his ear pierced for the first time and confided in me that he was nervous and would feel better if I would hold his hand while he got it done and my friends would come along too for support, which worked for me because as much as I enjoyed meeting so many people, I had safety concerns and would not leave any of my friends behind or walk off alone. Turns out he did not bite and didn't turn out to be a serial killer. I think most people understood my friends and I and that we were just having a little fun and asking people to relax and do the same. Most people really seemed to enjoy the experience!  I like to believe it perked them up and made them enjoy their time there all the more.  That was the inspiration anyway..
I often wonder where that part of me went... ? I think part of me is trying to behave out of respect for my husband and not wanting to lead anyone on or be too out of the "norm". I've found people take me the wrong way, so I've learned to edit myself. Part of me disappeared after some run ins with people that did bite and some spirit killers if not serial killers. But the parts of me I've managed to save along the way, mourned the parts I've lost while watching this video of Amanda Palmer. I was touched to tears and also a little uncomfortable with her ability to just be her very unique self and have so much love and trust for her fellow people. I envy her that and mourn my own losses! I hope that part of me is not extinct or becoming extinct because I really believe we all need to have more moments in life where people say "Yes, I see you and I think you're beautiful and you're okay and worthy of my time and attention just the way you are.
This is the Amanda Palmer I saw and related to:
 

What would you do?

 
I went to a doctor last week about some issues I've been having and I brought along some past X-rays, I thought would be helpful. So, do you ever get the feeling when you meet someone, that right off the bat, they don't like you? I had brought my best self to that appointment and I felt organized with the X-rays and I went over my history mentally preparing for any questions the doctor might ask. From the start, the doctor was very curt and looked more agitated, than helped, when I handed the X-rays over. The doctor went through my X-rays, taking them out of their envelopes, looking them over, slipping them back into the envelopes and then proceeded to throw each finished envelope on the floor. I mean like throw it down, hard. I wondered if I should comment but instead bit my tongue, knowing my comment would at the very least come out wrong through my tone of voice and only aggravate the situation. So, I just sat there thinking, what's the quickest way out of here? The doctor did pick up the X-rays at the end and put them on the chair, which was within the doctor's arm's reach and gave me a prescription for some new X-rays after a quick examination with very few words exchanged. I then grabbed up my X-rays and went on my way, glad to be out there! I have chosen not to schedule the appointment for the new X-rays because I don't see myself going back to that doctor, putting myself in that doctors care, possibly being sedated and that doctor using any sharp object on me. I haven't figured out yet what to do about seeing another doctor or if insurance will cover it...
I just wonder sometimes, how someone that's never met me can choose to treat me so unkindly or in such a dehumanizing way. I've come to the notion that it says more about them than it does me. I comforted myself with the thought that when that appointment was over, I could walk away and not have to deal with that person anymore but they don't have that option. Wherever they go, there they are and they have to deal with them self. (I hope they don't have children.) I thought I would leave it all there in that room and walk away free but here I am about a week later and still unable to let it go. It makes me wonder about where our society is heading when a doctor sworn to serve and heal chooses to treat a person so discourteously? I wonder if they don't like being a doctor? I just wonder and wonder all sorts of questions in my head, Why? Does the doctor need some sort of healing them self? Was this just "A bad day" for the doctor?
Anyway, I thought if I put my experience out there, along with my concerns, maybe I could finally get it out of me because it feels like a knot in my stomach and it makes me sad. The last thing I want to be met with, when I'm in need of help and asking for it, is some person on a power trip, making me feel uncomfortable and dehumanized. I expect it's that way for everyone. Well that's what I would think...
 

My May Newsletter

 
HELLO,
I hope you are enjoying all that is Spring and that you have had time to embrace the warmer weather! So far this Spring, I feel like I'm trying to bite off more than I can chew! It's okay though because I seem to be finding the energy to keep putting forth and for a long time I was really struggling with that. I feel like sometimes I go through life losing and finding myself, I don't know, maybe it's just some form of growing pains. What I do know is, currently, I feel like myself and it's like embracing an old best friend I've not seen in a while! I'm even taking time to sit down at my keyboard again lately and toy with some songs, along with some thoughts on things I'd like to accomplish and ways I might do just that. As a result of this, I'm making some little changes along the way. The newsletter will be shorter and sent out once a week. I'll no longer be posting my newsletters to my blog. If you would like to receive my newsletters, you can sign up at my home page: http://kristinafurey.com/ by entering your email address where it says "join the email list." You can still find my blogs, each week, right here. :-) My social networks links and YouTube link can also be found on my home page. This is my attempt of not innundating anyone that has opted in, to my newsletters and follows me via Twitter or is a Facebook friend and may also enjoy reading a fresh blog and not something that has just shown up in their email. :-) If you feel innundated by me in anyway I hope you will contact me with suggestions on how I might be more respectful of your email, news or twitter feed and please keep it to helpful and kind, THANK YOU!

AND NOW, here's where you can find us in the flesh this month.... This Saturday 5/10 from 4-7pm we'll be back at Kalypso's Sports Tavern, in Reston VA.
Next Saturday 5/17 from 7-10pm we'll be at The Cajun Experience in Leesburg VA
The following Saturday 5/24 from 6-10pm we'll be at Big Mary's Dock Bar, located at Pirates Cove in Galesville, MD.
For more on those and other gigs: http://kristinafurey.com/gig/

Best wishes for a great week!
With love,
Kristina :-)
MY MESSAGE: "I want each of you to find your inner peace, so we can collectively put the "peaces" of the puzzle together and finally see the picture it creates, World Peace!"
 

Trancendence

 
I know nothing but what I'm taught, choose to learn or what I experience and I tend to cast a skeptical eye and have some ever evolving thoughts, upon all these things. They come from outside of me. I'm more likely to believe what comes from inside me. So I look for what is harmonious with what comes from inside me. Even while I tend to trust what comes from inside me, I'm still very aware, that a lot of my thoughts come from outside of me and they don't represent what is inside me. This can be confusing sometimes, even though, I somehow feel when something is true without a doubt, not always, but when I know for sure it is truth.
So it probably comes as no surprise that I was really excited to see the movie "Trancendence". I think it could have been better but that said, it was quite good! No, I'm not going to spoil it for you. You've already seen in the trailer that they upload his memory into a analytical power, bigger than what has ever been before in our world. What you won't see in the trailer but what is in the very beginning of the movie is this idea of man playing God. Should man play god? I personally don't think man can turn down the opportunities to play God, when given it, if history is any indication. Big example of this is that we have the ability to save lives and we once believed only a God could do that. It doesn't mean man should play God or does it? Even while Doctors have helped to preserve life and Scientists have duplicated it, questions rise but we can't stop what we call progress. There are doctors and scientists that have used their knowledge or been used themselves to impose atrocities on people and animals. During the holocaust for example. So here it is, this movie about using a man's mind to create this all powerful Artificial Intelligence and allowing it to connect to the internet and beyond, making it God like. I really find that thought provoking! I suppose on a much smaller scale, many of us are using the internet to spread our thoughts and actions whether that be for the good of our world or the opposite... If given the chance to be this all powerful force, Johnny Depp plays, would you want too? Do you think the world would be better for it or worse off? I personally, am not cut out for that. I find it hard enough to put up and put out on the internet, things I belive to be helpful without it being polluted by my own misgivings. I have questioned whether or not I should ever share certain songs with everyone, let alone, anyone. Even when I'm aware enough to monitor my own conversations and physical actions in the real world, I find myself face to face with parts of myself/actions and words spoken that are in conflict with my own truth. Maybe I'm over thinking it and my intentions would be good enough to create a better world than God. Maybe?
?
 

"Depths and shallows nobody could sound"

 
I've been trying to lift dark weight off of my heart. Last week, they had to stop my Dad's chemo, early, due to complications. We put our expectations for relief in the idea that he would finish his radiation last Friday. He did but complications have him in the hospital today. We have a family friend that was diagnosed with cancer soon after my Dad was and I'm disturbed at how many people I know of that have been diagnosed in the past year, including my Father in law, who we just visited on Sunday. After three weeks of fighting pnuemonia, he is finally out of the hospital and now in a rehabilitation facility.
What hit me most this past week was a young girl in a wheelchair at the Johns Hopkins cancer facility on Friday. I think she was about ten or eleven. My Mom says she never sees her smile. Normal me would have tried to offer something in the way of support or helping her find a reason to smile, I had nothing. I just felt tapped out in the imagination department. I know normal me would have dreamed up something encouraging like telling her of Mattie Stepanek and how he was a poet from Maryland and his belief that we all have heart songs to be sung. I'm thinking of him now but I just have felt so mentally lost lately. Not constantly but more moments lost than found this past week... My Mom knelt down beside her, touched her arm and said a prayer for her. Most days last week, my Dad's radiation was scheduled after hers and often they would play the Christian music the little girl brought in to listen to during her radiation, for my Dad during his. I walked away haunted. I wish, I had known what to say or do. Her parents also seemed melancholy. I wondered if she was strong for them or presenting some form of strength on their behalf. It just haunts me and upsets me that I could think of nothing. On the way home I thought of Patch Adams and The Big Apple Circus. Had I known ahead of time I would have been prepared to make balloon animals or do some magic tricks. I had nothing! I also heard this song on the way home that has been playing in my head a lot lately it's by Dawes and it's called "Most People" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUWu8Ny36dc
For more on Mattie Stepanek: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mattie_Stepanek
 

You Spin Me Round (Like a record)

 
Saturday we played at Kalypsos's Sports Tavern at Lake Anne Plaza, a beautiful place to be, especially this time of year! This was my view: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202444601649000&set=a.1559605942733.2079417.1012823496&type=1&theater There were boats coming up and down the lake, people out and about all around on the plaza, children playing in the fountain, diners enjoying the alfresco setting. Some people so full of joy they were inspired to dance. While I was taking in the beauty all around me, something inside me said "Pay attention to this! This is people at their relaxed best. Drawn to a place where they can come together and delight in the day, the scenery and the company of each other. There is such a great energy here that we are all feeling!" I was high as a kite off the fumes of the energy of the people that surrounded me. It's soooo contagious! It's moments like that, which infatuate my inner hopeful romantic, with ideas that world peace is achievable, if only for a moment but isn't that how everything starts, one moment, one cell, evolving? I could hardly sleep when I got home. I was just so stirred up inside! So instead of sleeping, for a long time, I laid in bed and considered once again, my course and music goals and plans. The song "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead Or Alive playing in my head as I contemplated my music goals for the umpteenth time. My heart is so convinced that it's moments like that at Lake Anne Plaza, that music was created for and tells me that covering and creating music that appeals to such a wide variety of people is what my heart beats for. To allow people to be comforted and relaxed and then energized positively, is the best I can do with the talents I have been given. This of course, assuming, that everyone walked away a little better for the celebration of life I felt, and believed was taking place. I bounce between this and this other side of me that wants to express it's own observations in hopes they might open a person's mind to a new thought that would prove beneficial. I love people when they share something with me that changes my thoughts for the better or makes me see something I hadn't realized before. I owe something big, well my life actually, to some knowledge that was passed my way at the right time and I really too, want to pass these important things on through song and my blog in hopes of helping someone in their life or helping them help someone in their life. I often feel conflicted like there are two separate artists inside me but both have the same mission, "Pay It Forward" "Encourage Hope" "Attach people to the happiness and the acceptance of themselves and others in an effort to make the lives experienced here on earth a good experience (in general) for all!"
I was told a few years back that my music wasn't developed or I wasn't developed enough to be part of this House Concert Website that I was hoping to be listed on. I often feel like my wanting to appeal to a more general audience is frowned upon in the artist circles, like they don't want to take me seriously but when I experience something like what I experienced while playing on the patio of Kaylpso's Sports Tavern, it makes me feel like I'm in the right place and doing the right thing. And I don't want to cut off my arm or my leg (my country, pop, rock, soul, or blues parts) and handicap myself from helping others, from all backgrounds and age groups come together and feel like part of something big, something loving, something wonderful!
That's right, just when I started to distrust my own inner directions, "You spin me right round!" and I want to do the same for you! So thank you to everyone out enjoying the day and making such an impression on me! I hope we can have these moments again and again and then go out into the world with the intent of sharing and creating the same them for others. :-)
"You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead Or Alive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGNiXGX2nLU
PS-We are playing The Cajun Experience in Leesburg this Saturday 4/19 from 7-10pm.