Kristina Furey

The Cajun Experience (a little ditty we wrote for tonight's gig) :-)

 

Beware of sleeping in the moonlight it will make you go moon mad

Beware of Alligators hanging out underneath your house

If you're in Northern Virginia and your luck is going south

What you need is an experience boone chance without a doubt

So if you be a Rodee', a local or a Thiboduex

The Cajun Experience is where you want to go!

 

You see the fifolet, that eerie burning light

Hovers over The Cajun Experience where the Ju Ju's always right

They got oysters on the 1/2 shell, Catfish, Crawfish Gumbo too

They even got your Po Boys fuh sure for true

So raise your Abita's, your sazaracs and Breauxs

Raise them high to The Cajun Experience a toast!

 

 

Black Holes

 

I keep falling into black holes, unintentional but habitual.  Partly I think it’s a form of self protection.  I’ve just always drawn back into myself and comfortable surroundings, when life gets hard, chaotic, confusing, or there’s just too much on my plate.  It’s not like I try to disappear, it just seems to happen.  I reach into myself more than I reach out.  When people take offense to this it compounds the situation with me reaching in instead of out.  I’ve had enough experience with that and so I have a really bad habit of not reaching out for fear (Yes, fear and I hate that I let fear dictate anything in my life but there you have it!) fear of having to jump through hoops to get back in people’s good graces and so I tend to disappear. 

I feel this has something to do with having foster brother and sisters come and go in my life early on and my mother leaving for a couple years when I was eleven and moving away from all the friends and people I’d grown up with when I was 16 without being able to say good bye and then spending the next two years at a school I didn’t want to be at with people around me I didn’t know and didn’t want to have any attachments to.   (Sorry, those of you that I formed attachments to and you stuck around, I’m fortunate and thankful that you did!)  We didn’t have the internet then so people were just there for me one day and gone the next.  I often tried to stay in touch early on and then it got too painful to be the one always reaching out sometimes impossible (again no internet).  I’ve learned to appreciate my own company and understand as much as I enjoy connecting with people it’s probably too easy for me to disconnect.  It seems to be a good thing with the music as I learned early on with that, people have great intentions to see you again or contact you for a job and then you never hear from them.   I’m not the only one with good intentions…  :-)

I leave my music, my goals and dreams too when I fall into black holes.  I’ve learned that every relationship and every item I own comes with a price tag of time spent, as does every song I write, every goal and every dream and that’s even before I start thinking about the time I spend on the internet, watching TV or on some other distraction from the real world.  And then there’s me, the black hole I fall into, my own need of self care and falling into my own peace.  I need more of it when I’m experiencing extra challenges with my health, my relationships and those curve balls life throws.  It’s not easy for me to fall into those black holes but it seems necessary and strangely comforting.  When I emerge, I always feel a little wiser for it.

 

The countdown to Spring begins…

 

Next Thursday, March 20th, is the first day of Spring!  If you’ve kept up with my blogs and read my March 5th one:  http://kristinafurey.com/blog/holding_pattern/  than you know this has NOT been a good winter for my family.  So I for one am REALLY anticipating some warmer weather and the beauty that starts to spring up all around us at this time of year!  I’m also highly anticipating getting back to THE CAJUN EXPERIENCE, which we will be doing on March 22nd from 7:00-10:00pm.  For me it’s the people, the food, being outside with the familiarity of knowing the environment and what we need to do to give you our best and all while in an intimate setting, where we can just hang with everyone, chat and play things by ear, that’s what really makes it an enjoyable experience for me!   So I not only encourage you to come out but feel free to chat with us in between songs.  I know some of you already do that and I so appreciate that because it gives the people that don’t know us the message that they too can add their two cents or ask questions if they like.  It’s those nights when we all share with each other that turn out to be almost magical.  And that is my favorite thing to do, just share an evening outside and make the typical evening into something special.  Those are the moments I want to fill my life with, so come out and be playful and let’s make that happen!!! 

 

Holding Pattern

 

I’m a big believer in living in the moment, while planning for the days to come, while honoring my core needs. While these are my beliefs, I am still working hard at living them and trying not to betray myself along the way. It’s the WANTS, with their empty promises that have taken me down dead end paths that and occasionally confusing my own belief system and needs with those around me. Quiet, is my friend, offering a safe and comfortable place where I can check in with my core needs. Not that they ever change, only that they are constantly challenged.

We live in the moment as children. We get mad, angry, sad, whatever, it doesn’t matter because the next moment comes along and we evolve with it, back into our natural states of contentment (so long as our survival needs are being taken care of). Could it be that the moment we start having expectations on what life will offer or should offer, that living in the moment becomes such a challenge? It’s hard not to have expectations. They kind of go along with planning. Yet when our expectations aren’t met we often find resentment because we thought we were owed it. “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.”---Nelson Mandela

I recently expected to meet up with my parents in St. Kitts and instead learned my Father was having stroke like symptoms while in between flights to St. Kitts, that later turned out to be a golf ball size tumor and that later turned out to be a very aggressive form of brain cancer. Sooo not what I expected! I think my whole family was in free fall mode there with each diagnosis.

This brings me back to my core needs. The desire to nurture and be nurtured by those I love. My mind since January 21st has been so occupied with “What can I do to make this better?” Realizing all I could do was just be patient and to try to be comforting to my parents but that was about it, until we learned the specifics. Now the plans are beginning to surface and I find myself once again trying to get real with myself over my needs and my wants. Trying not to drink any poison along the way and learning it is a BIG BOO BOO on my part to try to push my loved ones buttons, during my dark moments, in an effort to make them feel like I do, out of my own need to feel validated, to feel the way I do. It seems to me to be one of the worst ways we not only drink the poison but poison our own loving, nurturing relationships with each other. I’ve heard that your life is either an inspiration to others or a warning. I’d like to believe my life offers both. So, this friends, is a warning from me to you and one I was thankful to pick up on while in my own state of distress. I hope you will keep this in mind the next time you feel antsy, desperate or dark minded and I hope it will be a reminder not to push that other person’s buttons to make them feel your pain. You don’t want them feeling your pain and you certainly don’t want to push away your support system. Bring them close, hold them, for your benefit and theirs. Allow yourself to be vulnerable instead of angry. Anger is not strength. It’s a destroyer. Vulnerable on the other hand, is truth. We are all vulnerable. As my brother said to me, four years ago before he died, “None of us get out of here alive.”

Love each other! We are all living with a terminal condition called life and tomorrow may never come. We all crave love to fill those dark, empty places that somehow end up inside of us, along life’s path. So do what you need to do, to fill up your life, heart and soul, treat those around you with kindness, so we can all enjoy the moment as best we can!

Love,

Me

 

We Can't Deny

 

We Can’t Deny

http://www.reverbnation.com/kristinafurey/song/20176936-we-cant-deny-to-go-wblog-titled

We can’t deny what’s happening here. You’re getting older and I’m getting older. And I see the lines etched on your face a map to the past, a reminder of yesterday. A time when you couldn’t love me, the way that I needed, I thought you only loved me when I pleased you but now we push that pain aside, cause what good is pain, once we’ve learned the lessons it teaches?

And I can’t deny when I look at your face, the love that I feel, the love that you’ve given me. Please, won’t you give me your hand, I’ll help you stand, I can be strong now that you’re not and you, you can be strong for me, give your hand to me, that would take great strength in deed!

We can’t deny, that all that we have, is just here and now, it’s only this space in time. Please won’t you give me your hand, I’ll help you stand, I can be strong now that you’re not and you, you can be strong for me, give your hand to me, that would show great strength indeed!

Please, won’t you give me your hand! I’ll help you stand! I can be strong now that you’re not and you, you can be strong for me, give your hand to me and it will give us the courage we both seek!

(I recorded this song back in 2003 to accommodate a screen play I’d written called “The List”, about a woman that finds a list, her recently deceased friend wrote of the things she wanted to accomplish by age 40 and so the woman, who was just about to end her own life, chooses instead to complete the list for her friend. I had copy (written) the screenplay as well as registered it with the writer’s guild and then sent it out and about into the world, never hearing a reply but some years later was told by a friend there was a movie called “The Bucket List” coming out and it sounded a lot like my screenplay. A kick to the gut! (Though not a direct steal, different stories, strangely very familiar to each other) Realizing I didn’t have the kind of money it would take, to take such a thing to court and thinking there’s always the chance they never saw my screenplay or the plot I had written and sent out, also keeping in mind my own belief in a collective consciousness… Instead, I took my Mother’s advice and tried to find comfort in what writing the screenplay had given me and how it helped me evolve once again into a songwriter pursuing her craft.

It offered other gifts. It helped me realize that we get in life what we practice every day. If you’re complaining, you’ll get better at it. If you’re holding resentment over the past, you’ll get better at supporting that resentment and telling the stories that strengthen that resentment to yourself and others. On the other hand if you practice hope, you will more easily find it around you and inspire it in others. If you practice healing you will get better at recognizing the things that hurt you and the things that help you and once you learn the skills to help yourself, you will want to help others and then they will want to help you and so the more you practice it, the more you allow it into your life, give it to yourself and receive it from others! Occasionally, I think of the list but it stills sours my stomach a bit so I try to focus on other things. I was never happy with the recording I did of “We Can’t Deny.” The gentleman, whose services I used had his own ideas about how it had to be musically. He was the professional and I just a stay at home Mom that wanted to record her song for her screenplay. I see myself differently now and one day, hope to record this the way I originally heard it in my head. The professional did an amazing job on it, especially for the money I paid him! It was my own insecurities and my own fault that I didn’t speak up to get everything I wanted out of the experience.

In the past week we have learned that my Father is facing an aggressive form of cancer. This song and the particular line “We can’t deny that all that we have is just here and now, it’s only this space in time,” has come to mind. I wanted to share it because I think it holds a lot of weight and truth that may be beneficial to you.

The song was my way of delivering something that I know as truth, without any doubts. We are all people doing our best in life and we need to practice patience, compassion, understanding, communication and forgiveness of ourselves and others, if we are to get the most out the relationships that we hold so dear.

"I am a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."---Byron Katie

No promises on how long I will keep this link active, I’m still learning to hear myself with kindness, when recordings don’t come out the way I want or hear it in my head. It’s a little OCD of me. It drives me bonkers and I’m working on it!)

 

February Newsletter

 

Hello beautiful people!

Could it really be?  Is it almost really March???  Yes!  Just a week from this Saturday is March 1st.  Ahh March, that wild crazy month that burns hot and cold as it plays the liaison between bitter frostbite February and the return to beauty, life and nurturing, Mother April.  I am really anticipating March, along with our first performance of the year, at Mad Horse Brewpub, March 1st from 6:30-9:30.  I really anticipate the warmth of seeing some friendly faces and sharing some music and good vibes!

Hope to see you!

Kristina Furey

 

How and why I started in music

 

Okay,  (deep cleansing breath).  I’m taking the online class that Dave Kusek put together called the NEW ARTIST MODEL CLASS and while going over the question, “How and why you started in music?”  I’ve had to come face to face with the truth and also some shame, over my past.  But this is good cause I’ve walked through the shame and came out on the other side with some important realizations about myself.  I’ll try to brief.  Well no, no I won’t!  :-)  If I tried to be, I would just do what I usually do and say nothing for fear of diving too deep. 

I lost my way on life’s path at age 11 and yet, I found my own way.  I was skipping school and spending the days in my bedroom writing lyrics from top 40 songs that I taped off of the “Casey Kasem’s Top 40” show on Sundays.  I was unimpressed with life, school and where it all appeared to be heading.   I was suffering from what I now understand were panic attacks.  So while my peers were at school, I would spend the mornings watching “People Are Talking” with Richard Sher and Oprah Winfrey (local talk show that was out of Baltimore), followed by Phil Donahue and then I would listen over and over to the songs I had recorded and try to understand and write the lyrics to the songs in the notebooks, the ones I had been given for school work.  I guess it was my own lesson plan, though at the time, I shamefully did this as my grades in school seriously plummeted.  But this routine brought me some comfort and hope that one day, life would be better and I could forget the dark side of my life for a while. 

Later, I started writing my own lyrics as a way to daydream my way out of the real world or purge myself of the darkness.  While I realize this all sounds very sad, it was, BUT I had a desire to learn about life and this routine was a joyful one for me.  My teachers, Richard, Oprah, Phil and all the wonderful songwriters and singers, oh and those long distance dedications Casey would read…    they were my heroes and they helped me understand that I was not alone.  I learned every life story has so many perspectives and we can choose the one that best works for us.  I took hope in the idea that even the adults were dumbfounded and they were getting by alright, so maybe I would be okay.  I learned new things to try in navigating my way through life.  I had hope that I could one day put together the life that would make me happy and I strung the happy moments  together, like fine jewelry and cut the fabric of my life to create the most  beautiful quilt I could make out of it and that revolved around writing my own lyrics and creating my own songs. 

In high school, I realized I was not so alone in my struggles and I began to write lyrics for others and found that they too benefited. 

In 10th grade, my teachers were joined by Alec Guinness, when my  drama teacher showed me a film on him that opened my mind to a whole new world of books on acting and the mental and moral qualities we all have, which then lead me to books on psychology and self help.  I was jazzed and ready to save the world but in need of some saving myself!  Still struggling with school, it was the music classes, drama classes, and performing opportunities that got me showing up on a more regular basis.  I had so much shame of not fitting the scholar mode!  I didn’t realize at the time, I was a student of something else, something bigger, that had a very powerful hold on me and was using the resources I was filling myself with to create through me.   I get these songs and lyrics racing through my head that if I don’t write them down quickly enough, they’ll be forever gone.  Well, maybe not.  Maybe it’s a collective consciousness and it will keep repeating like an SOS until someone brings it into the material world.  Maybe?  In the meantime I listen and try to oblige it.  I see them as musical prescriptions for healing and/or prescriptions to connect us to the feelings we need to open ourselves to and completely feel, so we can let them go and make room for better feelings.     When I try to write without this connected feeling, what I come up with seems very synthetic in comparison.  Maybe that’s just me not trusting myself.  Don’t really know?  But I love the feeling of putting pen to paper and feeling it flow through me or just opening my mouth and singing it without any prior idea of what will come out and having something beautiful show up! 

So when I started down the path of music I really just wanted to honor what was coming through me and use it for the sake of healing and helping but we’ve found it’s a whole lot easier to find paying gigs when you play cover songs that others already like and add in some they request and keep adding songs, and for my own joy add songs we’ve written with the same feel as the songs we are already playing and then record those songs and before I knew it…   I’m happy to be doing what I do.  I think Dan and I have learned so much about music and have gotten so much more experience in songwriting from the songs we’ve covered.  I have loved every smile, laugh, and tear (though that last one kinda shocked me) and I love people and it all makes sense but at the same time, I want to give voice to this beautiful thing that possesses me and wants to heal the world.  So it’s conflicting to me!  My current plan is to have two simultaneous plans, which I have been working on!  One is to continue the path Dan and I are currently on and one is to give voice to my core.  So here I am.  That’s why I started and that’s how I started.  Thought I’d share… :-)

 

How to have a great Valentine's Day!

 

It's easy really. Actually, it was Edie Brickell and the Gaddabouts that said it, "Go Where The Love Is." That's it, all you need for a great Valentine's Day and advice for a great life too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVQvgtX9xcM

Sounds so simple but is it? Well not if you have to navigate your way around a person that gets between you and someone you love and kind of becomes the gatekeeper to that, someone you love. Then there's the question of how do you make sure you've not allowed anyone to be the gatekeeper to you. Things too, can come between you and those that love you or those that you love. And negative thoughts that turn to beliefs can interfere with you allowing the love in.

While I'm on the subject of love interference, I want to add something... Be kind to your children and welcoming to those people that have a connection to them. Divorce or a child being born out of wedlock, should never mean that a child loses out on their support system, the people that naturally have the inclination to love them. When bad things happen, the more people around your child that have an invested loving interest in that child, the more people the child has to physically and emotionally support them, jump in when the child is in need. We can't know for sure that we will always be there for our children or how long we will live even. We don't know who our children will turn to when they don't feel comfortable turning to us, so make sure you let them have those people with a natural inclination to love them, there to turn to. I grew up with foster brothers and sisters and I've experienced life in a way that I'm no stranger to seeing children lose out because of someone elses selfishness.

If I had to add anything to "Go where the love is" it would be and don't obstruct someone elses access to being loved.

I invite you to share your own thoughts on this if you like. My thoughts on this came to light after watching the Movie "The Way Way Back." The song, is from the movie.

 

Romance? Yes, it is the thought that counts!

 

With Valentine’s Day coming up, I’m putting on my “Maurice” hat and speaking on the pompatus of love. 

Some weeks back, I found myself in a discussion on romance.  Basically a friend was telling me that they didn’t think someone else’s idea of romance was romantic.  I had gotten the gist of what the person found romantic and understood that it just didn’t translate to my friend’s idea of romance.   

As I’ve said before, “I believe that, romance is a love of self and an appreciation for life, extended to the world beyond and then bringing that world into your consciousness through all of the senses, embracing it and experiencing its pleasures and then returning those pleasures back into the world. We can have it with a moment, a person, or anything alive and receptive. It's spiritual. So being romantic is consciously sharing the beauty of that world we have experienced by pleasurably exciting the person we are being romantic with and allowing them to do the same for us.  In order to do this we have to slow down life a bit, take moment and focus on that person or the attempt at romance turns into something synthetic and then people are just going through the motions, which leads to feelings of disconnect, not romance.”  ß This last part, the synthetic part, is why I think there are so many people out there that are turned off by the idea of celebrating Valentine’s Day and why some find it cliché. 

While romance can be connected to an action or gift, it is more than an action or a physical gift.  It’s that pleasurable feeling shared between the giver and intended recipient.  Certainly we can fail at this attempt when the other person is unable to experience the same pleasure, can’t or won’t.  This could be an early sign for a new relationship that you are mismatched and may be a reason to rethink your relationship or a sign for more a mature relationship that maintenance is necessary (Can happen when careers, children and other things in life hijack your relationship.  Also relationships, like life, have their phases.)  Before you concern yourself with any of that, try this.  If you don’t get the intended result, communicate!  That’s right use your words and explain what about the experience is romantic to you and explain that this is something intimate you wanted to share with the person you want to be romantic with and then open the conversation to, “So what brings you this kind of pleasure?  What’s romantic to you?  What kind of memories do you want to make?”  You don’t have to be able to come up with the winning romantic gesture all on your own.  You don’t need to read someone else’s brain and surprise them with the perfect romantic surprise.  Many people find the gesture of someone’s attempt to be romantic, a romantic thing all on its own.  Even if what you came up with wasn’t something they find romantic.  Go figure…   easier than we think sometimes.  The loss is the win.  Why?  It’s the effort.  It goes back to “It’s the thought that counts” thing.  So, just asking someone what they would find romantic and then trying to give them that gift, that experience, is actually romantic. 

 

4 blogs and 1 post

 

I've been struggling trying to write my blog this week.  My father took ill last week.  I've written three blogs and not been able to bring myself to post one, out of concern for his own privacy and knowing there is still a family member that needs to be told.  This is blog four.  I do feel like I've gotten my own head in order, through the three renditions of blogs, prior to this, I was able to get it out of my head.

I will say it is just like me to almost at the exact moment I got the news about my father, drop my phone into the toilet and been unable to communicate.  FRUSTRATING.  Dan quotes to me, when I get this way, "Slow is smooth and smooth is fast."  He wasn't around at the moment my phone took the dive but anxiety was, in a mighty big way!  I do feel confident in my father's doctors and hopeful all will go well with his impending surgery.  If you pray, please say a prayer for my father.  I would greatly appreciate that!

Emily Dickinson-"Hope" is the thing with feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers-That perches in the soul-And sings the tune without the words-And never stops-at all-

And sweetest-in the Gale-is heard-And sore must be the storm-That could abash the little Bird that kept so many warm-

I've heard it in the chillest land-And on the strangest Sea-Yet-never-in Extremity, It asked a crumb-of me.