Kristina Furey

Trancendence

 
I know nothing but what I'm taught, choose to learn or what I experience and I tend to cast a skeptical eye and have some ever evolving thoughts, upon all these things. They come from outside of me. I'm more likely to believe what comes from inside me. So I look for what is harmonious with what comes from inside me. Even while I tend to trust what comes from inside me, I'm still very aware, that a lot of my thoughts come from outside of me and they don't represent what is inside me. This can be confusing sometimes, even though, I somehow feel when something is true without a doubt, not always, but when I know for sure it is truth.
So it probably comes as no surprise that I was really excited to see the movie "Trancendence". I think it could have been better but that said, it was quite good! No, I'm not going to spoil it for you. You've already seen in the trailer that they upload his memory into a analytical power, bigger than what has ever been before in our world. What you won't see in the trailer but what is in the very beginning of the movie is this idea of man playing God. Should man play god? I personally don't think man can turn down the opportunities to play God, when given it, if history is any indication. Big example of this is that we have the ability to save lives and we once believed only a God could do that. It doesn't mean man should play God or does it? Even while Doctors have helped to preserve life and Scientists have duplicated it, questions rise but we can't stop what we call progress. There are doctors and scientists that have used their knowledge or been used themselves to impose atrocities on people and animals. During the holocaust for example. So here it is, this movie about using a man's mind to create this all powerful Artificial Intelligence and allowing it to connect to the internet and beyond, making it God like. I really find that thought provoking! I suppose on a much smaller scale, many of us are using the internet to spread our thoughts and actions whether that be for the good of our world or the opposite... If given the chance to be this all powerful force, Johnny Depp plays, would you want too? Do you think the world would be better for it or worse off? I personally, am not cut out for that. I find it hard enough to put up and put out on the internet, things I belive to be helpful without it being polluted by my own misgivings. I have questioned whether or not I should ever share certain songs with everyone, let alone, anyone. Even when I'm aware enough to monitor my own conversations and physical actions in the real world, I find myself face to face with parts of myself/actions and words spoken that are in conflict with my own truth. Maybe I'm over thinking it and my intentions would be good enough to create a better world than God. Maybe?
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"Depths and shallows nobody could sound"

 
I've been trying to lift dark weight off of my heart. Last week, they had to stop my Dad's chemo, early, due to complications. We put our expectations for relief in the idea that he would finish his radiation last Friday. He did but complications have him in the hospital today. We have a family friend that was diagnosed with cancer soon after my Dad was and I'm disturbed at how many people I know of that have been diagnosed in the past year, including my Father in law, who we just visited on Sunday. After three weeks of fighting pnuemonia, he is finally out of the hospital and now in a rehabilitation facility.
What hit me most this past week was a young girl in a wheelchair at the Johns Hopkins cancer facility on Friday. I think she was about ten or eleven. My Mom says she never sees her smile. Normal me would have tried to offer something in the way of support or helping her find a reason to smile, I had nothing. I just felt tapped out in the imagination department. I know normal me would have dreamed up something encouraging like telling her of Mattie Stepanek and how he was a poet from Maryland and his belief that we all have heart songs to be sung. I'm thinking of him now but I just have felt so mentally lost lately. Not constantly but more moments lost than found this past week... My Mom knelt down beside her, touched her arm and said a prayer for her. Most days last week, my Dad's radiation was scheduled after hers and often they would play the Christian music the little girl brought in to listen to during her radiation, for my Dad during his. I walked away haunted. I wish, I had known what to say or do. Her parents also seemed melancholy. I wondered if she was strong for them or presenting some form of strength on their behalf. It just haunts me and upsets me that I could think of nothing. On the way home I thought of Patch Adams and The Big Apple Circus. Had I known ahead of time I would have been prepared to make balloon animals or do some magic tricks. I had nothing! I also heard this song on the way home that has been playing in my head a lot lately it's by Dawes and it's called "Most People" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUWu8Ny36dc
For more on Mattie Stepanek: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mattie_Stepanek
 

You Spin Me Round (Like a record)

 
Saturday we played at Kalypsos's Sports Tavern at Lake Anne Plaza, a beautiful place to be, especially this time of year! This was my view: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202444601649000&set=a.1559605942733.2079417.1012823496&type=1&theater There were boats coming up and down the lake, people out and about all around on the plaza, children playing in the fountain, diners enjoying the alfresco setting. Some people so full of joy they were inspired to dance. While I was taking in the beauty all around me, something inside me said "Pay attention to this! This is people at their relaxed best. Drawn to a place where they can come together and delight in the day, the scenery and the company of each other. There is such a great energy here that we are all feeling!" I was high as a kite off the fumes of the energy of the people that surrounded me. It's soooo contagious! It's moments like that, which infatuate my inner hopeful romantic, with ideas that world peace is achievable, if only for a moment but isn't that how everything starts, one moment, one cell, evolving? I could hardly sleep when I got home. I was just so stirred up inside! So instead of sleeping, for a long time, I laid in bed and considered once again, my course and music goals and plans. The song "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead Or Alive playing in my head as I contemplated my music goals for the umpteenth time. My heart is so convinced that it's moments like that at Lake Anne Plaza, that music was created for and tells me that covering and creating music that appeals to such a wide variety of people is what my heart beats for. To allow people to be comforted and relaxed and then energized positively, is the best I can do with the talents I have been given. This of course, assuming, that everyone walked away a little better for the celebration of life I felt, and believed was taking place. I bounce between this and this other side of me that wants to express it's own observations in hopes they might open a person's mind to a new thought that would prove beneficial. I love people when they share something with me that changes my thoughts for the better or makes me see something I hadn't realized before. I owe something big, well my life actually, to some knowledge that was passed my way at the right time and I really too, want to pass these important things on through song and my blog in hopes of helping someone in their life or helping them help someone in their life. I often feel conflicted like there are two separate artists inside me but both have the same mission, "Pay It Forward" "Encourage Hope" "Attach people to the happiness and the acceptance of themselves and others in an effort to make the lives experienced here on earth a good experience (in general) for all!"
I was told a few years back that my music wasn't developed or I wasn't developed enough to be part of this House Concert Website that I was hoping to be listed on. I often feel like my wanting to appeal to a more general audience is frowned upon in the artist circles, like they don't want to take me seriously but when I experience something like what I experienced while playing on the patio of Kaylpso's Sports Tavern, it makes me feel like I'm in the right place and doing the right thing. And I don't want to cut off my arm or my leg (my country, pop, rock, soul, or blues parts) and handicap myself from helping others, from all backgrounds and age groups come together and feel like part of something big, something loving, something wonderful!
That's right, just when I started to distrust my own inner directions, "You spin me right round!" and I want to do the same for you! So thank you to everyone out enjoying the day and making such an impression on me! I hope we can have these moments again and again and then go out into the world with the intent of sharing and creating the same them for others. :-)
"You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead Or Alive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGNiXGX2nLU
PS-We are playing The Cajun Experience in Leesburg this Saturday 4/19 from 7-10pm.
 

What does a boat have to do with music?

 

APRIL IS HERE! Hopefully that means no more snow for us in the DC area
and we'll all feel like going places and doing things. Speaking of going
and doing, Dan has been getting things ready to pursue his passion of
sailing and just sailed our boat "Athena" to Galesville, Maryland. He's
been happy to accompany me on my musical journey and I have been waiting
for the opportunity to once again do the same for him. So we were both
very excited last fall when he found a great boat to suit his sailing
goals. We had a Cape Dory we named "Jolly Mon," for about 8-10 years and
we have wonderful memories of it, along with some memories of trippy
Dramamine inspired dreams for me. We sold it a few years back with the
intention of one day getting something a little bigger. One day was last
fall. We plan at some point in the next couple years to sail it down the
intracoastal waterway to Florida. OH MY! I had heard of this riverboat
music tour that takes place in England and I was daydreaming about having
the ability to do something like that a couple of years ago, so I put
boat, intracoastal waterway, and music together and thought what better
way for Dan and I to spend vacation time, now that the kids are old enough
to fend for themselves. This is exciting times for us and next month we
get an idea of how this is going to work. We will be playing Big Mary's
Dock Bar at Pirate's Cove in Galesville and then we will stay on the boat.
That gig is on May 24th from 6-10pm and folks if you want to get away for
the weekend they have lodging at Pirates Cove:
http://www.piratescovemd.com/

THIS MONTH we will be getting some sailing experience in AND playing music
at THE CAJUN EXPERIENCE on April 19th from 7-10pm.

Hope to see you soon!
Kristina :-)

Picture of Dan sailing:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202418311431761&set=a.10202418311271757.1073741827.1012823496&type=1&theater

 

What do you honestly want?

 
Mostly I had a sad and introspective day yesterday. I didn't feel up to posting a blog.
I've been thinking a lot about life lately. With my Father going to cancer treatments and my Father in-law in the hospital, a family friend just recently diagnosed with cancer and with me getting sick and having to go to Doctor appointments, and also hearing about three different people committing suicide in the past week. I feel like the universe is pointing out something here... The question pops up for me a lot. What do you want from life? What do you honestly want? Do you think it is attainable? Does it matter? If it isn't attainable is it worth pursuing?
My ego and its idea of what it wanted is once again dying it's sad, slow little death over what it wanted thought it deserved, verses what it got. I try to mentally separate myself from the ego in an attempt to stop the pain but it's not easy. In my rational moments I console myself with the idea that maybe my ego will just stop fighting this and then I can let go and trust the little voice inside that says, "It's going to be alright. You will help yourself by answering the question, What do you honestly want from life? What is the thing you want without a doubt? Work towards it NOW because time can not be relied on in an ever evolving world" I sensed it might be a trick question, one my ego would quickly fall for, so I put it to my heart, evaluated my history, imagined myself on my death bed and answered kindness. I want it from myself to myself. I want it from others. I want to give it to others. I want life and the universe to be kind to those that are suffering and kind to the people that love them. I want that and I want to get my own affairs in order and have them organized in such a way that I don't have people cleaning up the messes I've left or made, figuratively and literally. When my time comes, I want to kindly leave this world.
I'm sure my ego will rise again (oh yes, it has it's own list of what it wants) but hopefully it won't cause harm when it does! To ward it off I'll keep "The Velveteen Rabbit" quote in my head, "“Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
---Margery Williams

 

The past few days

 
"Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go"---Green Day
Saturday we had a fantastic night out on the patio of The Cajun Experience. It was a beautiful day that turned into a wonderful night. We shared a song we had written special for the owner, the staff and everyone there. It was a beautiful moment! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5hA2_Zc4Ho
Sunday we slept in late and then Dan got off to put final touches to his boat to de-winterize it and get it ready for the water. While I tended to bills, working on music stuff, laundry and a bunch of odds and ends I can't even remember now.
Monday morning I went grocery shopping, cooked some Beef Stroganoff and got myself together, packed a bag and packed up the Beef Stroganoff, a bag of egg noodles, a bagged salad, a rosemary seasoned artisan bread, along with some strawberries, blackberries and blueberries and headed for Maryland. My parents stay there with my brother and family, so they can be closer Johns Hopkins, where my dad goes for his cancer treatments. I spent the night at my brother's families house and today, drove my parents. Getting the treatments has become like a part time job that my parents commute to each morning and come back from each afternoon. Their drive is only forty minutes. I met a couple today who come from Alexandria each morning in rush hour traffic and a good commute for them is an hour and forty minutes. That's the same time it takes me to get there from my house without real traffic. The most exciting part of the day is if someone has finished their treatment and they get to ring the bell to announce that they are done with the radiation part of their treatment. The staff is wonderful, often greeting the patients and their families with a hug.
After I dropped my parents off, I headed homeward and on the way stopped off to visit my Grandmother (my Father's mother) and show her pictures, tell her about my visit and spend a little time with her before I headed back home. The whole day the snow has been falling but luckily it's not been an issue. It's only made all my time on the road today more scenic. When I got home I found a beautiful handmade thank you card waiting for me and thanking me for some flowers I had sent a dear family friend last week when I found out she too has cancer and will be starting treatments immediately. I really just want to go lay down for a bit but instead I've chosen to blog, mostly out of habit but a little, I think, to express that life is made up of these moments and we are made up of what we chose to do with these moments. Those choices are us living.
Tomorrow I get to celebrate a friends birthday. :-)
My Grandmother just called the house to make sure I got home safely. :-)
"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." ---John Lennon
 

The Cajun Experience (a little ditty we wrote for tonight's gig) :-)

 

Beware of sleeping in the moonlight it will make you go moon mad

Beware of Alligators hanging out underneath your house

If you're in Northern Virginia and your luck is going south

What you need is an experience boone chance without a doubt

So if you be a Rodee', a local or a Thiboduex

The Cajun Experience is where you want to go!

 

You see the fifolet, that eerie burning light

Hovers over The Cajun Experience where the Ju Ju's always right

They got oysters on the 1/2 shell, Catfish, Crawfish Gumbo too

They even got your Po Boys fuh sure for true

So raise your Abita's, your sazaracs and Breauxs

Raise them high to The Cajun Experience a toast!

 

 

Black Holes

 

I keep falling into black holes, unintentional but habitual.  Partly I think it’s a form of self protection.  I’ve just always drawn back into myself and comfortable surroundings, when life gets hard, chaotic, confusing, or there’s just too much on my plate.  It’s not like I try to disappear, it just seems to happen.  I reach into myself more than I reach out.  When people take offense to this it compounds the situation with me reaching in instead of out.  I’ve had enough experience with that and so I have a really bad habit of not reaching out for fear (Yes, fear and I hate that I let fear dictate anything in my life but there you have it!) fear of having to jump through hoops to get back in people’s good graces and so I tend to disappear. 

I feel this has something to do with having foster brother and sisters come and go in my life early on and my mother leaving for a couple years when I was eleven and moving away from all the friends and people I’d grown up with when I was 16 without being able to say good bye and then spending the next two years at a school I didn’t want to be at with people around me I didn’t know and didn’t want to have any attachments to.   (Sorry, those of you that I formed attachments to and you stuck around, I’m fortunate and thankful that you did!)  We didn’t have the internet then so people were just there for me one day and gone the next.  I often tried to stay in touch early on and then it got too painful to be the one always reaching out sometimes impossible (again no internet).  I’ve learned to appreciate my own company and understand as much as I enjoy connecting with people it’s probably too easy for me to disconnect.  It seems to be a good thing with the music as I learned early on with that, people have great intentions to see you again or contact you for a job and then you never hear from them.   I’m not the only one with good intentions…  :-)

I leave my music, my goals and dreams too when I fall into black holes.  I’ve learned that every relationship and every item I own comes with a price tag of time spent, as does every song I write, every goal and every dream and that’s even before I start thinking about the time I spend on the internet, watching TV or on some other distraction from the real world.  And then there’s me, the black hole I fall into, my own need of self care and falling into my own peace.  I need more of it when I’m experiencing extra challenges with my health, my relationships and those curve balls life throws.  It’s not easy for me to fall into those black holes but it seems necessary and strangely comforting.  When I emerge, I always feel a little wiser for it.

 

The countdown to Spring begins…

 

Next Thursday, March 20th, is the first day of Spring!  If you’ve kept up with my blogs and read my March 5th one:  http://kristinafurey.com/blog/holding_pattern/  than you know this has NOT been a good winter for my family.  So I for one am REALLY anticipating some warmer weather and the beauty that starts to spring up all around us at this time of year!  I’m also highly anticipating getting back to THE CAJUN EXPERIENCE, which we will be doing on March 22nd from 7:00-10:00pm.  For me it’s the people, the food, being outside with the familiarity of knowing the environment and what we need to do to give you our best and all while in an intimate setting, where we can just hang with everyone, chat and play things by ear, that’s what really makes it an enjoyable experience for me!   So I not only encourage you to come out but feel free to chat with us in between songs.  I know some of you already do that and I so appreciate that because it gives the people that don’t know us the message that they too can add their two cents or ask questions if they like.  It’s those nights when we all share with each other that turn out to be almost magical.  And that is my favorite thing to do, just share an evening outside and make the typical evening into something special.  Those are the moments I want to fill my life with, so come out and be playful and let’s make that happen!!! 

 

Holding Pattern

 

I’m a big believer in living in the moment, while planning for the days to come, while honoring my core needs. While these are my beliefs, I am still working hard at living them and trying not to betray myself along the way. It’s the WANTS, with their empty promises that have taken me down dead end paths that and occasionally confusing my own belief system and needs with those around me. Quiet, is my friend, offering a safe and comfortable place where I can check in with my core needs. Not that they ever change, only that they are constantly challenged.

We live in the moment as children. We get mad, angry, sad, whatever, it doesn’t matter because the next moment comes along and we evolve with it, back into our natural states of contentment (so long as our survival needs are being taken care of). Could it be that the moment we start having expectations on what life will offer or should offer, that living in the moment becomes such a challenge? It’s hard not to have expectations. They kind of go along with planning. Yet when our expectations aren’t met we often find resentment because we thought we were owed it. “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.”---Nelson Mandela

I recently expected to meet up with my parents in St. Kitts and instead learned my Father was having stroke like symptoms while in between flights to St. Kitts, that later turned out to be a golf ball size tumor and that later turned out to be a very aggressive form of brain cancer. Sooo not what I expected! I think my whole family was in free fall mode there with each diagnosis.

This brings me back to my core needs. The desire to nurture and be nurtured by those I love. My mind since January 21st has been so occupied with “What can I do to make this better?” Realizing all I could do was just be patient and to try to be comforting to my parents but that was about it, until we learned the specifics. Now the plans are beginning to surface and I find myself once again trying to get real with myself over my needs and my wants. Trying not to drink any poison along the way and learning it is a BIG BOO BOO on my part to try to push my loved ones buttons, during my dark moments, in an effort to make them feel like I do, out of my own need to feel validated, to feel the way I do. It seems to me to be one of the worst ways we not only drink the poison but poison our own loving, nurturing relationships with each other. I’ve heard that your life is either an inspiration to others or a warning. I’d like to believe my life offers both. So, this friends, is a warning from me to you and one I was thankful to pick up on while in my own state of distress. I hope you will keep this in mind the next time you feel antsy, desperate or dark minded and I hope it will be a reminder not to push that other person’s buttons to make them feel your pain. You don’t want them feeling your pain and you certainly don’t want to push away your support system. Bring them close, hold them, for your benefit and theirs. Allow yourself to be vulnerable instead of angry. Anger is not strength. It’s a destroyer. Vulnerable on the other hand, is truth. We are all vulnerable. As my brother said to me, four years ago before he died, “None of us get out of here alive.”

Love each other! We are all living with a terminal condition called life and tomorrow may never come. We all crave love to fill those dark, empty places that somehow end up inside of us, along life’s path. So do what you need to do, to fill up your life, heart and soul, treat those around you with kindness, so we can all enjoy the moment as best we can!

Love,

Me