Kristina Furey

Sleeping With The Enemy (My personal story)

I know that people like to use the endearing term, “Cave Cricket” but it’s not a cute little cricket and my house is not a cave.  It’s Devils Spawn and I prefer the term Evil Hoppy Thing.  Especially when I find it on my pillow when I’m going to bed at night and the last thing I see is it hop away as I’m striking out at it right before I go to bed.   I try to implement the idea of Bug Karma but I do have a harder time with this idea when they are in my home.  I have used drinking glasses and pieces of paper to move many a bug back into its natural habitat including the Evil Hoppies.  I open windows and doors to let trapped flies out.  I like to think of myself as a kind and compassionate person, who though I may not like, I still love all God’s creatures great and small, including Devils Spawn but occasionally I come across another side of me and Cave Cricket beware!  So, I did actually talk myself into believing the critter died and fell off the bed when I hit it but it actually dove for safety.  I know there’s a rule in horror films, if you don’t find the dead body, they will be back….

So the next night I awoke to a tickling sensation on my arm, much like a light feather gently moving on my arm and to my horror, the missing Evil Hoppy came to mind as I threw my arm up in the air and at the same time tried not to wake Dan.  It took the hint and got lost.  However , I had some OCD moments where I kept fearing that perhaps I had just knocked the bug off onto Dan and poor Dan was helplessly sleeping.  I continued to think dark thoughts like, "What if he landed in Dan’s mouth and chocked him to death?"  Life with an active imagination is not all day dreaming, sometimes it’s more nightmare like.  So I tried to quiet the thumping of my startled heart, slow down my own breath and listen to make sure Dan was still breathing.  This took a while.  Dan is a quiet breather!   Finally, I heard what was breathing.  I woke the next day with dark circles under my eyes and scared myself when I happen to catch a glimpse of me in the bathroom mirror.  (Cue the Psycho Movie sound.  You know the sound Norman did his killings to.)

Yes, I had a feeling I’d have front row seats to EVIL HOPPY THING III D and last night, I jumped at the sight of what appeared to be a big spider.  The Evil Hoppy jumped at the sight of me and crawled up the wall.  I called for Dan.  Reinforcements, obviously I needed a hero of a man and one in the not scared of little bugs category.  Dan saw the bug and ran away!  Then he ran back in with bug repellent in hand, explaining it was quicker and more effective than retrieving a chair and hoping he could strike it before it escaped again.  (Yes, I bought the bug repellent.  We had ants in the spring!  I have no interest in bug karma for them!)   He made quick work of sending the Demon back to the depths from which it came, with one shot and then took the body away.  I slept peacefully! 

The End.

(Not a disclaimer:  I'm sorry but the bug in this story really was killed.  I might live to regret it in "Evil (Dead) Hoppy Thing IV" I too, suffered in the midst of this story.  I had a headache from not enough sleep.  Dan is fine and continues to hunt bugs for me, normally releasing them back into the wild.  You should go and get on with your own life now.  I will not be posting grotesque pictures of evil hoppies or dead evil hoppies for your pleasure.  Seriously, don't be a sicko, move on.)


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